Television: AHS: Coven, "Protect the Coven"

In 1830s New Orleans, Madame LaLaurie cuts the head off a chicken and finds she enjoys the feel of warm blood rushing over her fingers. So when (same day!) a slave is injured, she is given even greater opportunity to explore this new "sensation."

And in modern day, they are laying Nan to rest—in a coffin; see last week's writeup if you're wondering why I mention it—and wondering where Misty is, cuz then she could, you know, resurrect Nan. Then (a live!) Queenie and (a whole!) LaLaurie turn up. Though Queenie is keeping LaLaurie on a leash. Seriously.

As LaLaurie goes back to maid service, she narrates about her childhood of cutting apart small animals. She also serves shit soup (that happened in The Help with pie, didn't it?) and takes care of the kidnapped baby.

And then James, the gardener, comes in with a cut hand . . . And LaLaurie relapses. Ties him up in the attic. Old habits and all that.

Can't these witches sense this stuff going on?

Maybe they're too busy being caught up in their own issues. Madison finds Zoe and Kyle in the bathroom—Zoe is scrying in the tub, trying to figure out what really happened to Nan, and she sees Fiona and Laveau—and picks a fight. Kyle declares he doesn't want Madison, he loves Zoe. Madison throws a witchy tantrum that results in a broken mirror (bad luck?) and some pictures falling off the wall. I could do better.

And Fiona is still meeting the Axeman. He tells her they need to find and kill the upcoming Supreme. Talk about preaching to the choir.

Spalding (not live!) appears to LaLaurie in the attic and helps her clean up the remains of James. He tells her Marie Laveau must die, and that if Laveau dies, LaLaurie will be free too. They just need a little magic to make it happen. And LaLaurie needs to "venture out into the world and retrieve an item" for Spalding first.

Meanwhile, Cordelia is trying to get her visionary sight back. By stabbing herself in the eyes. Fiona comes screaming home . . . Why? Last week she hated Cordelia. Why start caring now?

Myrtle accuses Fiona of being an enemy to the coven and says Cordelia is a hero. And Fiona loses her nerve to see Cordelia, afraid her secrets will be lay bare by Cordelia's resumed power.

LaLaurie brings Spalding an antique baby doll for his collection, the item he demanded. And he tells her two capsules of Benadryl dissolved in a glass of water will render Laveau powerless. Um . . . Sleepy maybe. But powerless? Really?

Myrtle tells Zoe to take Kyle and leave the coven. Better to escape with one's love than face the witch hunters.

Fiona and Laveau meet with the witch hunters. A negotiation for a 100-year truce. But with a martini on the table, surely it will be thrown? Alas, no. Axeman throws axes instead, and with Fiona taking the final swing, the witch hunters are all dead.

I'm a little confused. Can everyone see Axeman, even though he's a ghost? He can clearly interact with physical things (glasses, axes), but . . . Seems like this hasn't been explained or explored entirely. Or maybe I just missed it.

LaLaurie pours drinks laced with Benadryl and stabs Laveau in the chest. When Laveau scoffs and chases LaLaurie, Spalding knocks Laveau over the head with one of his dolls and suggests LaLaurie bury Laveau . . . Pretty much just as Laveau had done to LaLaurie, right?

Oh, and Spalding takes the baby. Yes, the live one.

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