Things I Used to Do As an Undergraduate . . .

. . . Some of Which Would Probably Get Me Arrested Today  

  • Talk to blackbirds. In French. (I still do this. No risk of arrest, though people do think you're a bit mental, and a crow once stole an earring. Yes, while I was wearing it.)
  • Run up to campus tour groups and yell, "Welcome to Jurassic Park!" . . . then run away. After a few months the guides began to wear this harassed expression as they furtively ushered prospective students and their parents across the campus.
  • Use a French accent in the library, pretending to be a foreign exchange student so the desk clerks would take pity on me and go find my books for me, thereby saving me the trouble.
  • Put on my "Scully" suit, hold a hand to my ear as if on a com, and run between the campus buildings glancing up at the roofs and saying loudly, "I don't see him! I don't see him!" (It was really fun to watch everyone start looking.)
  • Get to class really early, before anyone was in, and leave random business cards at just a few desks. The cards read, "Archangel Gabriel: Messenger Service, Baby Sales & Judgment Day Counseling"—Again, hugely amusing to watch people react when they found them.
  • "Raptor" my dorm mates.
  • Dive in and out of open dorm rooms with a water gun, shooting people while humming the theme to Mission: Impossible.
  • Put on a rock star wig, some glittery eye makeup, and a gold hoop earring and pretend to be "Ollie" from the Olive Branch Band. In fact, I once did this at the mall, using a banana as a phone, while a friend filmed it. Store clerks and shoppers alike were utterly befuddled.
  • Put on my cloak and "haunt" the campus late at night. Sometimes I'd go into buildings that were still open and frighten the cleaning crews.

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