I'm not sure how much of my enjoyment of this novel was heightened by my personal knowledge and experience of Salem, Massachusetts and its surroundings. I lived in Massachusetts for twelve years, half of those in Boston and the other half north of there, and so all the details of highways and such featured in The Fifth Petal make sense to me and add a level of veracity. However, if I were unfamiliar with Salem and/or Massachusetts, I do wonder whether those same details would simply be annoying and unnecessary.
The story itself is a good one, for those who like its ilk: at age five, Callie Cahill was found not far from the spot her mother and two of her mother's friends were brutally murdered. Twenty-five years later, those murders get dredged up yet again and force Callie to think about things she's avoided.
Besides Callie, The Fifth Petal offers an interesting cast of characters: a local witch, the chief of police, and a number of blue bloods whose pride in their deep roots gets outlandish at times. And though I saw the "twist" coming from early on, I still found the book mostly very compelling.
[spoiler below; skip the next paragraph if you don't want to know something specific about the book]
I only wish we'd been allowed to see a redeemed Paul since our final interactions with him as a character are of him being a drunken jerk.
[end spoiler]
This is a book about things hidden and buried. It's a book about the way we put a veneer on things to make them prettier than they really are. It's a book about root rot.
In short, it's a good summer-into-fall read, particularly ripe for the Hallowe'en season.
Showing posts with label witches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label witches. Show all posts
11.19.2016
Movies: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Katherine Waterston, Colin Farrell, Dan Fogler, Alison Sudol
Directed By: David Yates
Written By: J.K. Rowling
Warner Bros., 2016
PG-13; 133 minutes
3 stars (out of 5)
_______________________________________________________
Directed By: David Yates
Written By: J.K. Rowling
Warner Bros., 2016
PG-13; 133 minutes
3 stars (out of 5)
_______________________________________________________
In this effort to capture the Harry Potter audience, Eddie Redmayne stars as Newt Scamander, who HP readers know as the author of the textbook Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (roll credits). Newt has come to New York to . . . something. Collect more creatures? Release a few back into their native habitats? Does it matter? What does happen is that the creatures he illegally smuggles into the U.S. get loose and wreak havoc that coincides with other problems in the American magical community. This makes Scamander a convenient scapegoat.
Astute filmgoers will not be surprised by any of the "twists" in this tale; they'll see them coming quite plainly. And not all the FX are up to snuff. However, that aside, this is still a fairly likable film. While it's difficult to warm up to Scamander, with Redmayne playing up the awkward and mostly refusing to make eye contact, the supporting characters are charming. A subplot about a movement called New Salem that wants to rid the country of witches and wizards is pretty dark but also more interesting than what amounts to a game of Pokémon as Scamander attempts to collect his creatures and stuff them back into his suitcase. Gotta catch 'em all!
Despite its flaws, which include faults in logic from time to time and at least one major continuity problem, Fantastic Beasts is on the whole a fun movie. I can't say the IMAX experience added much to it, but then again we also were only watching in 2D, so maybe 3D would have made it cooler. Still and all, I can recommend it as a good time.
7.02.2014
Books: The Magicians and Mrs. Quent by Galen Beckett
I happened across this book while killing time in a bookstore. I didn't buy it right away but made a note of the title and then finally got around to reading it. There are two more in the series after this one.
The book is incredibly well written. Sort of a mix of Regency and fantasy, set in an alternate but very similar universe to ours. The country of Altania is clearly Great Britain, with Torland in the north as a stand-in for Scotland. Invarel = London and so on. And in this relatable but slightly different world, magic is, if not common, not unheard of either. In fact, in some circles it is quite fashionable to be a magician. (Witches, however, are not to be borne.)
Beckett populates his story with interesting characters like Miss Ivy Lockwell, whose father was once a magician himself and has left her a riddle to solve. And Mr. Rafferty, son of Lord Rafferty, who discovers he comes from an ancient line of magicians and has a talent for magic. Meanwhile his friend Eldyn is a hard luck case roped into treasonous work by a highwayman. Yet he also has an aptitude for magic; he can cloak himself in shadows and more or less make himself invisible.
All this against a backdrop worthy of Austen or the Brontës. From Invarel we spend the middle of the book on the windswept countryside of Heathcrest before returning to the city . . . Though I must say the shift in POV threw me a bit. The first and third parts of the book are third person omniscient but the middle is told in first person by Ivy. While I understand why, I didn't care for it as much. (I also don't love the cover image, though it is true enough to the book, I suppose.)
Overall, however, the book kept me engrossed. Toward the end, things moved quickly—almost too fast in comparison to all the build up. But there is much yet set up for the subsequent novels, which I look forward to reading in good time.
The book is incredibly well written. Sort of a mix of Regency and fantasy, set in an alternate but very similar universe to ours. The country of Altania is clearly Great Britain, with Torland in the north as a stand-in for Scotland. Invarel = London and so on. And in this relatable but slightly different world, magic is, if not common, not unheard of either. In fact, in some circles it is quite fashionable to be a magician. (Witches, however, are not to be borne.)
Beckett populates his story with interesting characters like Miss Ivy Lockwell, whose father was once a magician himself and has left her a riddle to solve. And Mr. Rafferty, son of Lord Rafferty, who discovers he comes from an ancient line of magicians and has a talent for magic. Meanwhile his friend Eldyn is a hard luck case roped into treasonous work by a highwayman. Yet he also has an aptitude for magic; he can cloak himself in shadows and more or less make himself invisible.
All this against a backdrop worthy of Austen or the Brontës. From Invarel we spend the middle of the book on the windswept countryside of Heathcrest before returning to the city . . . Though I must say the shift in POV threw me a bit. The first and third parts of the book are third person omniscient but the middle is told in first person by Ivy. While I understand why, I didn't care for it as much. (I also don't love the cover image, though it is true enough to the book, I suppose.)
Overall, however, the book kept me engrossed. Toward the end, things moved quickly—almost too fast in comparison to all the build up. But there is much yet set up for the subsequent novels, which I look forward to reading in good time.
1.30.2014
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Seven Wonders"
While the finale did manage to put a neat bow on things, I have to say, on the whole Coven was a right mess and nowhere near as well done as Asylum.
The episode started with what amounted to a Stevie Nix video, her singing about the seven wonders and rainbows as the candidates for Supreme prepared for the big test. Each was to attempt the seven wonders themselves so as to determine who would next rule the coven.
Candidates were Madison, Zoe, Queenie, and Misty.
They started with telekinesis. All good. Mind control, which led to Madison and Zoe fighting it out over Kyle. Still, everyone passed. But then we got to descending into the underworld, easy enough to do; it's the getting back out that's difficult. And that's where we lost Misty to her own personal hell, which apparently is biology class.
Next up was transmutation. AKA: witch tag. And here is where we lost Zoe, who ended up impaled on one of the iron spires of the gates. Which led naturally to bringing the dead back to life (if only Misty were there!). Queenie was unable to bring Zoe back, knocking her out of contention. And Madison—who proved she could do it by bringing back a dead fly—refused to revive Zoe.
With all rivals out of the running, Madison naturally assumed she was the next Supreme. But Myrtle talked Cordelia into throwing her hat into the ring. And so Cordelia played catch up: telekinesis, mind control, transmutation, the underworld . . . And then they came to divination. Which would seem to be the least of a witch's gifts (or powers, if you prefer), but which totally stumped Madison. Cordelia, of course, passed with flying colors.
In a fit of temper, Madison goes to pack her bags and threatens to sic TMZ on the coven. But while Cordelia was down in the greenhouse bringing Zoe back, Kyle was up in Madison's room throttling her to death for not helping Zoe. Then Spaulding turned up to help Kyle get rid of the body.
Now confirmed as the Supreme, Cordelia called in the television stations and made the coven known to the world. Better to control the information, one supposes. But this felt like a retread of the end of Asylum. Don't the writers have any new ideas?
And then Myrtle insisted on being burned at the stake again. Which seemed like poor planning because one would think, now that everyone knows about the coven, they might be under surveillance. Like . . . Would this turn into an X-Men kind of thing where people want to monitor the witches and pass laws meant to restrict and/or control them? But clearly the writers weren't interested in the larger ramifications.
Of course the show could not end without one last visit from Fiona. There was some drivel about how she'd tricked everyone into believing she was dead, but the sum total of her visit was that she died for real and went into a hell of her own, an eternity spent with the Axeman. Whatever. The conversation between Fiona and Cordelia demonstrated that the overall theme of the show was meant to be a mother-daughter rivalry kind of thing. But I'm not convinced the writers are qualified to comment on such a theme. And all of their "commentary" remained highly superficial. Yes, the young ones supplant the old. (Kyle, too, ended up taking Spaulding's place as "the help.") And yes, it is often a messy transition. But so? Give me something deeper.
What made Coven more feeble than Asylum was its lack of focus. Coven chose to cut wide rather than deep and suffered for it. Any number of the plots had potential—the witch hunters, the church-going neighbors, the murderous ghost, the rivalries, Laveau and LaLaurie—but instead of doing one or two well, they opted to try to do all of it, and so all of them came out half baked. For once, having a limited number of episodes worked against the show. If they'd had more time, maybe they could have fleshed things out a bit more.
Better luck next season, which I understand is set primarily in the 1950s. Jessica Lange will be back, and I've heard Sarah Paulson as well. I guess the best thing about a show like this one is that if one season doesn't work out, there's always a clean slate to go back to.
The episode started with what amounted to a Stevie Nix video, her singing about the seven wonders and rainbows as the candidates for Supreme prepared for the big test. Each was to attempt the seven wonders themselves so as to determine who would next rule the coven.
Candidates were Madison, Zoe, Queenie, and Misty.
They started with telekinesis. All good. Mind control, which led to Madison and Zoe fighting it out over Kyle. Still, everyone passed. But then we got to descending into the underworld, easy enough to do; it's the getting back out that's difficult. And that's where we lost Misty to her own personal hell, which apparently is biology class.
Next up was transmutation. AKA: witch tag. And here is where we lost Zoe, who ended up impaled on one of the iron spires of the gates. Which led naturally to bringing the dead back to life (if only Misty were there!). Queenie was unable to bring Zoe back, knocking her out of contention. And Madison—who proved she could do it by bringing back a dead fly—refused to revive Zoe.
With all rivals out of the running, Madison naturally assumed she was the next Supreme. But Myrtle talked Cordelia into throwing her hat into the ring. And so Cordelia played catch up: telekinesis, mind control, transmutation, the underworld . . . And then they came to divination. Which would seem to be the least of a witch's gifts (or powers, if you prefer), but which totally stumped Madison. Cordelia, of course, passed with flying colors.
In a fit of temper, Madison goes to pack her bags and threatens to sic TMZ on the coven. But while Cordelia was down in the greenhouse bringing Zoe back, Kyle was up in Madison's room throttling her to death for not helping Zoe. Then Spaulding turned up to help Kyle get rid of the body.
Now confirmed as the Supreme, Cordelia called in the television stations and made the coven known to the world. Better to control the information, one supposes. But this felt like a retread of the end of Asylum. Don't the writers have any new ideas?
And then Myrtle insisted on being burned at the stake again. Which seemed like poor planning because one would think, now that everyone knows about the coven, they might be under surveillance. Like . . . Would this turn into an X-Men kind of thing where people want to monitor the witches and pass laws meant to restrict and/or control them? But clearly the writers weren't interested in the larger ramifications.
Of course the show could not end without one last visit from Fiona. There was some drivel about how she'd tricked everyone into believing she was dead, but the sum total of her visit was that she died for real and went into a hell of her own, an eternity spent with the Axeman. Whatever. The conversation between Fiona and Cordelia demonstrated that the overall theme of the show was meant to be a mother-daughter rivalry kind of thing. But I'm not convinced the writers are qualified to comment on such a theme. And all of their "commentary" remained highly superficial. Yes, the young ones supplant the old. (Kyle, too, ended up taking Spaulding's place as "the help.") And yes, it is often a messy transition. But so? Give me something deeper.
What made Coven more feeble than Asylum was its lack of focus. Coven chose to cut wide rather than deep and suffered for it. Any number of the plots had potential—the witch hunters, the church-going neighbors, the murderous ghost, the rivalries, Laveau and LaLaurie—but instead of doing one or two well, they opted to try to do all of it, and so all of them came out half baked. For once, having a limited number of episodes worked against the show. If they'd had more time, maybe they could have fleshed things out a bit more.
Better luck next season, which I understand is set primarily in the 1950s. Jessica Lange will be back, and I've heard Sarah Paulson as well. I guess the best thing about a show like this one is that if one season doesn't work out, there's always a clean slate to go back to.
1.22.2014
Television: AHS: Coven, "Go to Hell"
I thoroughly enjoyed the faux silent movie start to the episode, which explained the Seven Wonders a witch must perform in order to become the Supreme.
Despite her self-mutilation, it seems Cordelia's ability to see things when she touches them has not returned. Meanwhile, Fiona tells Queenie she (that is, Queenie) must attempt the Seven Wonders to see if she is the next Supreme. Queenie goes to lie down and has a vision of being back in the fast food restaurant, where she's visited by Papa Legba. Turns out fast food service is hell. That's one of the Seven Wonders down (descending into Hell and returning).
LaLaurie dismembers Laveau . . . And becomes a tour guide at the LaLaurie house? (Did I see that right?) Queenie goes to visit her at the LaLaurie House and asks her to release the previous tour guide LaLaurie has hit over the head and tied up in the attic. (Geez, she needs some new moves.) When LaLaurie refuses to repent, Queenie kills her. Because apparently now that's possible.
Fiona is having her portrait painted. Her nose starts bleeding. And she tries to make nice with Cordelia by giving Cordelia an old family heirloom necklace. But after putting it on, Cordelia does begin to have visions. This time of the future, which features the house filled with dead witches . . . All except Fiona. Who, based on the vision, seems to have been the one to kill them all.
Cordelia goes to see the Axeman, tells him that Fiona is going to leave him behind. Tells him Fiona has a plane ticket scheduled for two days hence.
And Cordelia also gets a vision of Misty's whereabouts and brings Queenie out to the cemetery in the dead of night in order to pull the coffin from the above-ground monument in which Madison had her sealed.
Zoe and Kyle return from Florida, and Zoe declares herself to be the next Supreme. Misty comes back to the house and fights Madison. And the Axeman enters swinging his axe, but the witches use collective powers to stop him. And discover he's covered in Fiona's blood.
(Flashback to Axeman killing Fiona. Really long and boring. Sum total: He fed Fiona's body to the gators in the swamp.)
The witches gang up on Axeman and stab him repeatedly.
LaLaurie's hell is to be locked up in her own attic and left to the "mercy" of Laveau, who tortures LaLaurie's daughter—and that is Laveau's hell.
And with Fiona gone, the coven now needs to discern who will take her place. So all the girls must participate in the Seven Wonders to see who will be the next Supreme. Really? This whole season comes down to the equivalent of a teen witch reality competition? Meh.
I have to say, overall this season has been disappointing. The attempt to tie up certain story lines this week felt rushed, as if the writers went, "Oh shit! We need to . . ." They tried to do too much this season, and so did none of it very well because the energies were so scattered. I'll actually just be glad to see this end next week so we can put it behind us and hope for something better next go 'round.
Despite her self-mutilation, it seems Cordelia's ability to see things when she touches them has not returned. Meanwhile, Fiona tells Queenie she (that is, Queenie) must attempt the Seven Wonders to see if she is the next Supreme. Queenie goes to lie down and has a vision of being back in the fast food restaurant, where she's visited by Papa Legba. Turns out fast food service is hell. That's one of the Seven Wonders down (descending into Hell and returning).
LaLaurie dismembers Laveau . . . And becomes a tour guide at the LaLaurie house? (Did I see that right?) Queenie goes to visit her at the LaLaurie House and asks her to release the previous tour guide LaLaurie has hit over the head and tied up in the attic. (Geez, she needs some new moves.) When LaLaurie refuses to repent, Queenie kills her. Because apparently now that's possible.
Fiona is having her portrait painted. Her nose starts bleeding. And she tries to make nice with Cordelia by giving Cordelia an old family heirloom necklace. But after putting it on, Cordelia does begin to have visions. This time of the future, which features the house filled with dead witches . . . All except Fiona. Who, based on the vision, seems to have been the one to kill them all.
Cordelia goes to see the Axeman, tells him that Fiona is going to leave him behind. Tells him Fiona has a plane ticket scheduled for two days hence.
And Cordelia also gets a vision of Misty's whereabouts and brings Queenie out to the cemetery in the dead of night in order to pull the coffin from the above-ground monument in which Madison had her sealed.
Zoe and Kyle return from Florida, and Zoe declares herself to be the next Supreme. Misty comes back to the house and fights Madison. And the Axeman enters swinging his axe, but the witches use collective powers to stop him. And discover he's covered in Fiona's blood.
(Flashback to Axeman killing Fiona. Really long and boring. Sum total: He fed Fiona's body to the gators in the swamp.)
The witches gang up on Axeman and stab him repeatedly.
LaLaurie's hell is to be locked up in her own attic and left to the "mercy" of Laveau, who tortures LaLaurie's daughter—and that is Laveau's hell.
And with Fiona gone, the coven now needs to discern who will take her place. So all the girls must participate in the Seven Wonders to see who will be the next Supreme. Really? This whole season comes down to the equivalent of a teen witch reality competition? Meh.
I have to say, overall this season has been disappointing. The attempt to tie up certain story lines this week felt rushed, as if the writers went, "Oh shit! We need to . . ." They tried to do too much this season, and so did none of it very well because the energies were so scattered. I'll actually just be glad to see this end next week so we can put it behind us and hope for something better next go 'round.
1.20.2014
Television: Sleepy Hollow, "The Indespinsible Man; Bad Blood"
Crane v Autocorrect . . .
Also v emoticons . . .
Now what's so important about December 18, 1799? Lazarus? Considering Washington died on the 14th . . .
Brooks comes back to visit Abbie and tells her it is prophesied that Crane will give her up to Moloch. Also, he tells Abbie he loves her. Awkward.
Oh, also Brooks says the bible contains a map that Moloch wants. (A map with no names? Oh, no, wait. Too much Indiana Jones as a child.)
Crane discovers a hidden letter in the bible from Washington to himself that demonstrates Washington knew Crane was a witness, and also describes how Washington had himself resurrected after his own death. And then made a map of Purgatory. Which gives Crane the brilliant idea that, if he can find this map, he can free Katrina.
God, what this show doesn't need is more Katrina.
They exhume Reverend Knapp who had been keeping the Horseman's head safe and call Parrish (the Sin Eater) for help. Alas, Parrish is injured by a hex on the Knapp's body.
Meanwhile, Abbie begins to argue that Washington's plan may no longer be valid, that Washington may not have foreseen certain complications. Could releasing Katrina only make things worse? Might Purgatory release a lot of other, less pleasant things? What—or who—is Crane willing to sacrifice to save the world?
Still, they must find the map before Moloch (or Brooks). They figure out that it was likely buried with Washington, and that Washington must be buried near Sleepy Hollow in order for Knapp to have been able to protect the map.
And Brooks is reborn as some kind of demon.
Abbie asks Parrish about the prophesy that one witness might turn against the other. He tells her there is one in an apocryphal gospel (also: the witnesses will do their work for 1260 days).
They findthe Pyramid of Fear (nope, sorry, too much Sherlock Holmes as a child) a mausoleum (that does have a pyramid in it) and Washington's body and the map. And then Brooks crashes their party. Parrish touches him and returns Brooks to some semblance of his true self, so that he tells Abbie to destroy the map lest Moloch use it to win the war.
And Crane, at Abbie's behest, burns the map and promises not to forsake Abbie. But remember that photographic memory of his? Still, seems really stupid of Crane to redraw the map. Why not just keep it in his head, nice and safe?
Oh, and there was this whole other plot where Captain Irving confessed to having murdered that priest in order to protect his daughter. (Of course it was really the demon that had done it, but try explaining that to the investigators.)
At the episode break, Crane stumbles upon a Revolutionary War re-enactment. But he's called by Parrish who says he must see Crane and Abbie immediately. He's had a premonition about the second Horseman of the Apocalypse. On the 13th anniversary of the day Abbie and Jenny first encountered Moloch in the forest. Also, there's a solar eclipse coming. So, you know, pretty sure bad things are going to happen here.
Crane believes Katrina is the only one who can stop the second Horseman. The map shows a doorway to Purgatory. 1 + 1 = . . .
Jenny is not a fan of this plan. She's pretty sure Crane is going to throw Abbie over for Katrina as per the prophesy.
Parrish also has a list of cautions: don't eat or drink anything in Purgatory, don't believe what you're seeing even though it will all seem very real, don't get separated.
[Here is where I'd go into my lecture on liminal spaces, but I'll spare you. I have always found the mythological use of such spaces very interesting, however.]
First up: Purgatory tries to convince Abbie that Corbin and Brooks are alive and that she's just been hit on the head while away at Quantico and is now back and recovering. Meanwhile, Crane finds himself with Victor Garber! Apparently he's Crane's father. He had disowned Ichabod when Ichabod had turned to fight for the Colonists. But Purgatory is trying to make Crane believe England won the Revolutionary War and his father happily welcomed him home, back to Oxford as a professor.
In a Labyrinth-like moment, both Abbie and Crane shatter their visions by announcing they—the visions, the people—aren't real. (And for the record, I never want to see Victor Garber do that again.)
Abbie and Crane find one another and then Katrina. But Katrina cannot leave Purgatory unless (a) she is forgiven, or (b) someone takes her place. Since the Sin Eater didn't come along for the tour, Abbie takes Katrina's place. (Does seem Moloch keeps Katrina supplied with makeup, though.)
Meanwhile, Jenny has been listening to tape recordings from Corbin's archives, and after a field trip she discovers something that alarms her: the name of a church. But as she rushes to warn Abbie and Crane, the Headless Horseman turns up to blow out her tires. (Why not just kill her?)
In Purgatory, Abbie comes to a dollhouse that has teenage versions of herself and her sister. They say they are memories Moloch took from them on that fateful day 13 years ago. Abbie of course wants to know what she's forgotten . . .
Long story short: Henry Parrish is evil. Are we at all surprised by this?
What Abbie and Jenny saw was Moloch drawing Parrish from the earth as the second Horseman. And Henry Parrish isn't his real name. No, it's the name of a church—the church Katrina abandoned her son Jeremy to some 200 years before. Because Henry is Jeremy. (Remember how they'd buried him? Which begs the question: At what point after being buried 200 years before did adolescent Jeremy cease to age? Because clearly he did age . . . For a while . . . Or are they trying to pass John Noble off as 200+ years old?)
So now Abbie is in Purgatory and Henry/Jeremy first bound his parents to a couple trees so as to lecture them before putting Ichabod into a grave and placing the Second Seal over him.
But what did he do with Mommy?
If you want to find out, Sleepy Hollow returns in the fall . . .
Also v emoticons . . .
Now what's so important about December 18, 1799? Lazarus? Considering Washington died on the 14th . . .
Brooks comes back to visit Abbie and tells her it is prophesied that Crane will give her up to Moloch. Also, he tells Abbie he loves her. Awkward.
Oh, also Brooks says the bible contains a map that Moloch wants. (A map with no names? Oh, no, wait. Too much Indiana Jones as a child.)
Crane discovers a hidden letter in the bible from Washington to himself that demonstrates Washington knew Crane was a witness, and also describes how Washington had himself resurrected after his own death. And then made a map of Purgatory. Which gives Crane the brilliant idea that, if he can find this map, he can free Katrina.
God, what this show doesn't need is more Katrina.
They exhume Reverend Knapp who had been keeping the Horseman's head safe and call Parrish (the Sin Eater) for help. Alas, Parrish is injured by a hex on the Knapp's body.
Meanwhile, Abbie begins to argue that Washington's plan may no longer be valid, that Washington may not have foreseen certain complications. Could releasing Katrina only make things worse? Might Purgatory release a lot of other, less pleasant things? What—or who—is Crane willing to sacrifice to save the world?
Still, they must find the map before Moloch (or Brooks). They figure out that it was likely buried with Washington, and that Washington must be buried near Sleepy Hollow in order for Knapp to have been able to protect the map.
And Brooks is reborn as some kind of demon.
Abbie asks Parrish about the prophesy that one witness might turn against the other. He tells her there is one in an apocryphal gospel (also: the witnesses will do their work for 1260 days).
They find
And Crane, at Abbie's behest, burns the map and promises not to forsake Abbie. But remember that photographic memory of his? Still, seems really stupid of Crane to redraw the map. Why not just keep it in his head, nice and safe?
Oh, and there was this whole other plot where Captain Irving confessed to having murdered that priest in order to protect his daughter. (Of course it was really the demon that had done it, but try explaining that to the investigators.)
At the episode break, Crane stumbles upon a Revolutionary War re-enactment. But he's called by Parrish who says he must see Crane and Abbie immediately. He's had a premonition about the second Horseman of the Apocalypse. On the 13th anniversary of the day Abbie and Jenny first encountered Moloch in the forest. Also, there's a solar eclipse coming. So, you know, pretty sure bad things are going to happen here.
Crane believes Katrina is the only one who can stop the second Horseman. The map shows a doorway to Purgatory. 1 + 1 = . . .
Jenny is not a fan of this plan. She's pretty sure Crane is going to throw Abbie over for Katrina as per the prophesy.
Parrish also has a list of cautions: don't eat or drink anything in Purgatory, don't believe what you're seeing even though it will all seem very real, don't get separated.
[Here is where I'd go into my lecture on liminal spaces, but I'll spare you. I have always found the mythological use of such spaces very interesting, however.]
First up: Purgatory tries to convince Abbie that Corbin and Brooks are alive and that she's just been hit on the head while away at Quantico and is now back and recovering. Meanwhile, Crane finds himself with Victor Garber! Apparently he's Crane's father. He had disowned Ichabod when Ichabod had turned to fight for the Colonists. But Purgatory is trying to make Crane believe England won the Revolutionary War and his father happily welcomed him home, back to Oxford as a professor.
In a Labyrinth-like moment, both Abbie and Crane shatter their visions by announcing they—the visions, the people—aren't real. (And for the record, I never want to see Victor Garber do that again.)
Abbie and Crane find one another and then Katrina. But Katrina cannot leave Purgatory unless (a) she is forgiven, or (b) someone takes her place. Since the Sin Eater didn't come along for the tour, Abbie takes Katrina's place. (Does seem Moloch keeps Katrina supplied with makeup, though.)
Meanwhile, Jenny has been listening to tape recordings from Corbin's archives, and after a field trip she discovers something that alarms her: the name of a church. But as she rushes to warn Abbie and Crane, the Headless Horseman turns up to blow out her tires. (Why not just kill her?)
In Purgatory, Abbie comes to a dollhouse that has teenage versions of herself and her sister. They say they are memories Moloch took from them on that fateful day 13 years ago. Abbie of course wants to know what she's forgotten . . .
Long story short: Henry Parrish is evil. Are we at all surprised by this?
What Abbie and Jenny saw was Moloch drawing Parrish from the earth as the second Horseman. And Henry Parrish isn't his real name. No, it's the name of a church—the church Katrina abandoned her son Jeremy to some 200 years before. Because Henry is Jeremy. (Remember how they'd buried him? Which begs the question: At what point after being buried 200 years before did adolescent Jeremy cease to age? Because clearly he did age . . . For a while . . . Or are they trying to pass John Noble off as 200+ years old?)
So now Abbie is in Purgatory and Henry/Jeremy first bound his parents to a couple trees so as to lecture them before putting Ichabod into a grave and placing the Second Seal over him.
But what did he do with Mommy?
If you want to find out, Sleepy Hollow returns in the fall . . .
1.15.2014
Television: AHS: Coven, "Protect the Coven"
In 1830s New Orleans, Madame LaLaurie cuts the head off a chicken and finds she enjoys the feel of warm blood rushing over her fingers. So when (same day!) a slave is injured, she is given even greater opportunity to explore this new "sensation."
And in modern day, they are laying Nan to rest—in a coffin; see last week's writeup if you're wondering why I mention it—and wondering where Misty is, cuz then she could, you know, resurrect Nan. Then (a live!) Queenie and (a whole!) LaLaurie turn up. Though Queenie is keeping LaLaurie on a leash. Seriously.
As LaLaurie goes back to maid service, she narrates about her childhood of cutting apart small animals. She also serves shit soup (that happened in The Help with pie, didn't it?) and takes care of the kidnapped baby.
And then James, the gardener, comes in with a cut hand . . . And LaLaurie relapses. Ties him up in the attic. Old habits and all that.
Can't these witches sense this stuff going on?
Maybe they're too busy being caught up in their own issues. Madison finds Zoe and Kyle in the bathroom—Zoe is scrying in the tub, trying to figure out what really happened to Nan, and she sees Fiona and Laveau—and picks a fight. Kyle declares he doesn't want Madison, he loves Zoe. Madison throws a witchy tantrum that results in a broken mirror (bad luck?) and some pictures falling off the wall. I could do better.
And Fiona is still meeting the Axeman. He tells her they need to find and kill the upcoming Supreme. Talk about preaching to the choir.
Spalding (not live!) appears to LaLaurie in the attic and helps her clean up the remains of James. He tells her Marie Laveau must die, and that if Laveau dies, LaLaurie will be free too. They just need a little magic to make it happen. And LaLaurie needs to "venture out into the world and retrieve an item" for Spalding first.
Meanwhile, Cordelia is trying to get her visionary sight back. By stabbing herself in the eyes. Fiona comes screaming home . . . Why? Last week she hated Cordelia. Why start caring now?
Myrtle accuses Fiona of being an enemy to the coven and says Cordelia is a hero. And Fiona loses her nerve to see Cordelia, afraid her secrets will be lay bare by Cordelia's resumed power.
LaLaurie brings Spalding an antique baby doll for his collection, the item he demanded. And he tells her two capsules of Benadryl dissolved in a glass of water will render Laveau powerless. Um . . . Sleepy maybe. But powerless? Really?
Myrtle tells Zoe to take Kyle and leave the coven. Better to escape with one's love than face the witch hunters.
Fiona and Laveau meet with the witch hunters. A negotiation for a 100-year truce. But with a martini on the table, surely it will be thrown? Alas, no. Axeman throws axes instead, and with Fiona taking the final swing, the witch hunters are all dead.
I'm a little confused. Can everyone see Axeman, even though he's a ghost? He can clearly interact with physical things (glasses, axes), but . . . Seems like this hasn't been explained or explored entirely. Or maybe I just missed it.
LaLaurie pours drinks laced with Benadryl and stabs Laveau in the chest. When Laveau scoffs and chases LaLaurie, Spalding knocks Laveau over the head with one of his dolls and suggests LaLaurie bury Laveau . . . Pretty much just as Laveau had done to LaLaurie, right?
Oh, and Spalding takes the baby. Yes, the live one.
And in modern day, they are laying Nan to rest—in a coffin; see last week's writeup if you're wondering why I mention it—and wondering where Misty is, cuz then she could, you know, resurrect Nan. Then (a live!) Queenie and (a whole!) LaLaurie turn up. Though Queenie is keeping LaLaurie on a leash. Seriously.
As LaLaurie goes back to maid service, she narrates about her childhood of cutting apart small animals. She also serves shit soup (that happened in The Help with pie, didn't it?) and takes care of the kidnapped baby.
And then James, the gardener, comes in with a cut hand . . . And LaLaurie relapses. Ties him up in the attic. Old habits and all that.
Can't these witches sense this stuff going on?
Maybe they're too busy being caught up in their own issues. Madison finds Zoe and Kyle in the bathroom—Zoe is scrying in the tub, trying to figure out what really happened to Nan, and she sees Fiona and Laveau—and picks a fight. Kyle declares he doesn't want Madison, he loves Zoe. Madison throws a witchy tantrum that results in a broken mirror (bad luck?) and some pictures falling off the wall. I could do better.
And Fiona is still meeting the Axeman. He tells her they need to find and kill the upcoming Supreme. Talk about preaching to the choir.
Spalding (not live!) appears to LaLaurie in the attic and helps her clean up the remains of James. He tells her Marie Laveau must die, and that if Laveau dies, LaLaurie will be free too. They just need a little magic to make it happen. And LaLaurie needs to "venture out into the world and retrieve an item" for Spalding first.
Meanwhile, Cordelia is trying to get her visionary sight back. By stabbing herself in the eyes. Fiona comes screaming home . . . Why? Last week she hated Cordelia. Why start caring now?
Myrtle accuses Fiona of being an enemy to the coven and says Cordelia is a hero. And Fiona loses her nerve to see Cordelia, afraid her secrets will be lay bare by Cordelia's resumed power.
LaLaurie brings Spalding an antique baby doll for his collection, the item he demanded. And he tells her two capsules of Benadryl dissolved in a glass of water will render Laveau powerless. Um . . . Sleepy maybe. But powerless? Really?
Myrtle tells Zoe to take Kyle and leave the coven. Better to escape with one's love than face the witch hunters.
Fiona and Laveau meet with the witch hunters. A negotiation for a 100-year truce. But with a martini on the table, surely it will be thrown? Alas, no. Axeman throws axes instead, and with Fiona taking the final swing, the witch hunters are all dead.
I'm a little confused. Can everyone see Axeman, even though he's a ghost? He can clearly interact with physical things (glasses, axes), but . . . Seems like this hasn't been explained or explored entirely. Or maybe I just missed it.
LaLaurie pours drinks laced with Benadryl and stabs Laveau in the chest. When Laveau scoffs and chases LaLaurie, Spalding knocks Laveau over the head with one of his dolls and suggests LaLaurie bury Laveau . . . Pretty much just as Laveau had done to LaLaurie, right?
Oh, and Spalding takes the baby. Yes, the live one.
1.10.2014
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks"
So Laveau had come to the witch house to broker a pact in the aftermath of all her people being slaughtered by Cordelia's witch hunter husband.
While there, Laveau is visited ostensibly by Papa Legba. And here is where the show lost me. Because I'm pretty familiar with Papa Legba, and he isn't anything like whatever this show was trying to pull. So I spent the remainder of the episode being bothered by that.
On the flip side, there was Stevie Nicks. It seems like Fiona invited her over because Misty is such a fan (and we've been led to think Misty will be the next Supreme, though honestly it seems like the title is up for grabs). Nicks sang some "Rhiannon" and . . . something else . . . But whatever. Seemed like an awkward time to have a celebrity house guest when you've got people [almost] killing babies, and making the neighbor drink bleach, and drowning each other in the bathtub.
Also: twirling with scarves? Is this part of a witch curriculum?
So. Yes, Nan kills Luke's mom after discovering Luke is dead and has been cremated. And Madison can't stand the idea of Misty as the new Supreme so she coaxes her into a New Orleans cemetery, tosses her into a coffin, and has the coffin installed in one of the monuments. I wonder whether the writers know about how we use coffins in New Orleans? They can't stay in the monuments, so we don't seal the monuments until after the body has been removed from the coffin. Then we shove the body back into the monument and brick it up, install the faceplate, and toss the coffin. That's right, we pay thousands of dollars for coffins we can't use. A year and a day after the interment, the monument can be opened and the remains shoved to the back to make room for the next family member. (Usually you wouldn't bother to open it until the next time you need it; you just hope deaths are more than a year apart. But then again, you generally have several slots to choose from, too.) The back of the monument is open at the bottom—there's a hole. The bones and remains get pushed back and then fall down to an under space. So, you know, eventually your bones just get jumbled up with everyone else's in your family. We're a close group, in death as in life.
And what I mean by all this is: if the writers know what they're doing, they'll plan that Misty won't stay in that coffin. But it looked to me like she was going to get bricked in anyway. I guess they can chalk it up to Madison having, what, influenced the workers to do it? Paid them off? Whatever.
Oh, so anyway, Papa Legba evidently wanted Laveau to bring him the soul of an innocent. Namely, a baby. But then Fiona and Laveau scheme to give him Nan instead. (Here's the drowning in the bathtub bit.) With LaLaurie MIA, the partnership of Fiona and Laveau has become the best thing about the show.
But I do wonder at Fiona's rage against Cordelia over having unwittingly married a witch hunter. I mean, I get being angry, but her anger seemed way out of proportion to the "crime."
Fiona tried to make her own pact with Papa Legba, looking for immortality, but he told her she has no soul to trade. Really? Then where is it? I know I hate when I misplace mine. Maybe she should check it isn't tangled in a shawl.
While there, Laveau is visited ostensibly by Papa Legba. And here is where the show lost me. Because I'm pretty familiar with Papa Legba, and he isn't anything like whatever this show was trying to pull. So I spent the remainder of the episode being bothered by that.
Also: twirling with scarves? Is this part of a witch curriculum?
So. Yes, Nan kills Luke's mom after discovering Luke is dead and has been cremated. And Madison can't stand the idea of Misty as the new Supreme so she coaxes her into a New Orleans cemetery, tosses her into a coffin, and has the coffin installed in one of the monuments. I wonder whether the writers know about how we use coffins in New Orleans? They can't stay in the monuments, so we don't seal the monuments until after the body has been removed from the coffin. Then we shove the body back into the monument and brick it up, install the faceplate, and toss the coffin. That's right, we pay thousands of dollars for coffins we can't use. A year and a day after the interment, the monument can be opened and the remains shoved to the back to make room for the next family member. (Usually you wouldn't bother to open it until the next time you need it; you just hope deaths are more than a year apart. But then again, you generally have several slots to choose from, too.) The back of the monument is open at the bottom—there's a hole. The bones and remains get pushed back and then fall down to an under space. So, you know, eventually your bones just get jumbled up with everyone else's in your family. We're a close group, in death as in life.
And what I mean by all this is: if the writers know what they're doing, they'll plan that Misty won't stay in that coffin. But it looked to me like she was going to get bricked in anyway. I guess they can chalk it up to Madison having, what, influenced the workers to do it? Paid them off? Whatever.
Oh, so anyway, Papa Legba evidently wanted Laveau to bring him the soul of an innocent. Namely, a baby. But then Fiona and Laveau scheme to give him Nan instead. (Here's the drowning in the bathtub bit.) With LaLaurie MIA, the partnership of Fiona and Laveau has become the best thing about the show.
But I do wonder at Fiona's rage against Cordelia over having unwittingly married a witch hunter. I mean, I get being angry, but her anger seemed way out of proportion to the "crime."
Fiona tried to make her own pact with Papa Legba, looking for immortality, but he told her she has no soul to trade. Really? Then where is it? I know I hate when I misplace mine. Maybe she should check it isn't tangled in a shawl.
12.12.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "Head"
So let's see if we can follow all the moving pieces here. The episode begins in 1991, with a young Hank and his father hunting. Pretty easy to foresee that it's not just the average game, but "the most dangerous game" they're after. In fact, I'm not entirely sure of the point of this scene. Do they want us to see that Hank isn't all bad? That's he's under pressure from his father (and the larger witch-hunting organization)? Whatever.
Myrtle and Cordelia have a moment in which Myrtle wants to be sure Cordelia knows she wasn't the one to throw acid on her. (Turns out that was the witch hunters, we learn later.) Then Myrtle paralyzes the other two Council members, takes one eye from each, then dismembers them and implants the mismatched eyes in Cordelia. So now Cordelia can see . . . but no longer "see." (That is to say, her visions when she touches people have gone.)
Meanwhile, in the hospital Luke's mother watches over him and won't let Nan visit. Madison and Zoe make a token appearance this episode to escort Nan into the hospital room. Nan communicates telepathically with Luke, and for a while the mom considers her "a miracle." Until the moment Nan reveals (or Luke does, through Nan) that the mom murdered her husband, Luke's father (can anyone type that and not think "Vader"?), when he tried to leave her for another woman. So Nan gets sent away, and when Luke awakens in the hospital, his mother smothers him with a pillow.
Hank is given instructions to finish off the witches and the Voodoo women in New Orleans—including his wife, whom he was only intended to marry in order to get close enough to kill them all. But when he begins taking on the Voodoo salon—and he does manage to gun down pretty much everyone but Laveau—a gut shot Queenie is able to grab a gun, stick it in her mouth, and blow her own brains out, thus affecting Hank's demise as his brains spatter also.
This leaves LaLaurie's head upstairs in Queenie's room, btw. Fiona had returned it earlier in attempt to ally the coven with the Voodoo clan, but Laveau had dismissed her. Of course, in the aftermath of having her clan decimated, the episode ends with Laveau coming to the coven house.
So . . . Will a big group of witch hunters be descending on New Orleans now? (My DVR cut off any previews.) Is Misty really the new Supreme? Are we finally finished with Luke and his Bible beating mother? And if anyone did burn LaLaurie's head, would it actually kill her? I'm just unclear about this show's rules for immortality.
Also not terribly fond of the fact they killed the dog.
Myrtle and Cordelia have a moment in which Myrtle wants to be sure Cordelia knows she wasn't the one to throw acid on her. (Turns out that was the witch hunters, we learn later.) Then Myrtle paralyzes the other two Council members, takes one eye from each, then dismembers them and implants the mismatched eyes in Cordelia. So now Cordelia can see . . . but no longer "see." (That is to say, her visions when she touches people have gone.)
Meanwhile, in the hospital Luke's mother watches over him and won't let Nan visit. Madison and Zoe make a token appearance this episode to escort Nan into the hospital room. Nan communicates telepathically with Luke, and for a while the mom considers her "a miracle." Until the moment Nan reveals (or Luke does, through Nan) that the mom murdered her husband, Luke's father (can anyone type that and not think "Vader"?), when he tried to leave her for another woman. So Nan gets sent away, and when Luke awakens in the hospital, his mother smothers him with a pillow.
Hank is given instructions to finish off the witches and the Voodoo women in New Orleans—including his wife, whom he was only intended to marry in order to get close enough to kill them all. But when he begins taking on the Voodoo salon—and he does manage to gun down pretty much everyone but Laveau—a gut shot Queenie is able to grab a gun, stick it in her mouth, and blow her own brains out, thus affecting Hank's demise as his brains spatter also.
This leaves LaLaurie's head upstairs in Queenie's room, btw. Fiona had returned it earlier in attempt to ally the coven with the Voodoo clan, but Laveau had dismissed her. Of course, in the aftermath of having her clan decimated, the episode ends with Laveau coming to the coven house.
So . . . Will a big group of witch hunters be descending on New Orleans now? (My DVR cut off any previews.) Is Misty really the new Supreme? Are we finally finished with Luke and his Bible beating mother? And if anyone did burn LaLaurie's head, would it actually kill her? I'm just unclear about this show's rules for immortality.
Also not terribly fond of the fact they killed the dog.
12.04.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Sacred Taking"
When we last left the Teen Witch Squad . . .
Queenie had defected over to Madame Laveau. And as the episode opens, she's fetching a "dark heart" for Laveau.
Meanwhile, Fiona is bitching and moaning about the fact she's dying of cancer. Geez, why doesn't she get herself some of that immortality potion? (Actually, I don't know how that would work out. Would you be immortal but still have cancer?)
And, just when we'd almost forgotten they existed, we go back to Luke and his Bible-crazy mother. She wants to rid Luke of his impurities, which he supposedly got from having been in the witch school. Moms in this show just suck all around, don't they?
Misty runs to the school when a resurrected Myrtle comes to warn her of a man with a gun circling the shack. Cordelia extends an offer of protection to her . . . And Myrtle, who has come along. And then Myrtle announces Misty as the next Supreme.
The titular "sacred taking" is the name of the ceremony for the ascension of the new Supreme. Time to put on red cloaks and black lace mantillas! It's a crisis management ceremony meant to ensure the survival of the coven when things go south. Like, you know, Salem Witch Trials bad. Thing is, it requires the death of the current Supreme. And Fiona seems unlikely to sacrifice herself.
Cue some bizarre filming choices as Madison coerces Fiona by suggesting she OD on pills rather than be burned at the stake for having killed another witch. (But wait—can they prosecute Fiona if Madison isn't actually dead? Isn't it really only attempted murder? Or does the fact that Madison was dead for a while mean the murder charge stands?)
Madison also claims to be the next Supreme. It's a trick, but Fiona seems to fall for it. She begins to do up her face and prepare to leave a beautiful corpse.
And Myrtle steals the jewelry.
And then Spaulding (who, remember, Zoe killed) arrives and tells Fiona the girls have been lying to her. He then gives her something to help her puke up the pills.
Back at theranch salon, Queenie brings LaLaurie a Jumbo Jack with cheese. It's clear Queenie doesn't feel all that good about having given LaLaurie up . . . But then Laveau shoos Queenie away and cuts LaLaurie's hand off. Have to say, kind of weak, that interaction. There should be something far more spectacular happening here—happening in every part of this show, really—but it's just kind of paddling along. It has too many characters and plot lines and not enough actual tension or action. Compared to Asylum, this season is really lacking.
We go back to Luke's house, where Nan has gone to rescue him from his evil mother. Bible Mom calls the police saying there is an "armed and dangerous" intruder in her home, and when Luke stands up to her, she threatens to "unmake him." But before she can try, shots are fired from outside the window and the mom and Luke both go down.
The spatter pattern behind the mom doesn't make any sense, though. That kind of bothers me.
Kyle chooses the moment the coven is under attack to tell Zoe he loves her. And of course, Madison overhears.
Now the coven must resolve its differences in order to take on the witch hunter (that is, of course, Cordelia's husband Hank).
And in a tit-for-tat, Laveau sends LaLaurie's head back to the school in a box. And of course LaLaurie is still alive.
So for all this—the bad neighbors, the fight with Laveau, the witch hunter, the infighting, Misty, Kyle, Spaulding, the Axeman, the whole LaLaurie thing—I still feel like nothing very interesting is going on. It's just sort of crawling, with spikes of [utterly predictable] action here and there, but nothing all that exciting or surprising. Maybe it will come together in the end. But so far this scattershot approach is not hitting any targets. The more focused Asylum was better. (Though I leave it open for Coven to improve.)
Queenie had defected over to Madame Laveau. And as the episode opens, she's fetching a "dark heart" for Laveau.
Meanwhile, Fiona is bitching and moaning about the fact she's dying of cancer. Geez, why doesn't she get herself some of that immortality potion? (Actually, I don't know how that would work out. Would you be immortal but still have cancer?)
And, just when we'd almost forgotten they existed, we go back to Luke and his Bible-crazy mother. She wants to rid Luke of his impurities, which he supposedly got from having been in the witch school. Moms in this show just suck all around, don't they?
Misty runs to the school when a resurrected Myrtle comes to warn her of a man with a gun circling the shack. Cordelia extends an offer of protection to her . . . And Myrtle, who has come along. And then Myrtle announces Misty as the next Supreme.
The titular "sacred taking" is the name of the ceremony for the ascension of the new Supreme. Time to put on red cloaks and black lace mantillas! It's a crisis management ceremony meant to ensure the survival of the coven when things go south. Like, you know, Salem Witch Trials bad. Thing is, it requires the death of the current Supreme. And Fiona seems unlikely to sacrifice herself.
Cue some bizarre filming choices as Madison coerces Fiona by suggesting she OD on pills rather than be burned at the stake for having killed another witch. (But wait—can they prosecute Fiona if Madison isn't actually dead? Isn't it really only attempted murder? Or does the fact that Madison was dead for a while mean the murder charge stands?)
Madison also claims to be the next Supreme. It's a trick, but Fiona seems to fall for it. She begins to do up her face and prepare to leave a beautiful corpse.
And Myrtle steals the jewelry.
And then Spaulding (who, remember, Zoe killed) arrives and tells Fiona the girls have been lying to her. He then gives her something to help her puke up the pills.
Back at the
We go back to Luke's house, where Nan has gone to rescue him from his evil mother. Bible Mom calls the police saying there is an "armed and dangerous" intruder in her home, and when Luke stands up to her, she threatens to "unmake him." But before she can try, shots are fired from outside the window and the mom and Luke both go down.
The spatter pattern behind the mom doesn't make any sense, though. That kind of bothers me.
Kyle chooses the moment the coven is under attack to tell Zoe he loves her. And of course, Madison overhears.
Now the coven must resolve its differences in order to take on the witch hunter (that is, of course, Cordelia's husband Hank).
And in a tit-for-tat, Laveau sends LaLaurie's head back to the school in a box. And of course LaLaurie is still alive.
So for all this—the bad neighbors, the fight with Laveau, the witch hunter, the infighting, Misty, Kyle, Spaulding, the Axeman, the whole LaLaurie thing—I still feel like nothing very interesting is going on. It's just sort of crawling, with spikes of [utterly predictable] action here and there, but nothing all that exciting or surprising. Maybe it will come together in the end. But so far this scattershot approach is not hitting any targets. The more focused Asylum was better. (Though I leave it open for Coven to improve.)
11.20.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Dead"
For the record, I like Toto.
I'd also like to get a tattoo but (a) I'm a big chicken, and (b) I get bored too easily to settle on any one thing that will be stuck on my body for the rest of my life.
Oh, God, Madison is doing a voiceover. She's whining about not being able to feel.
And Zoe has Kyle chained in the greenhouse or conservatory or whatever it is.
Queenie and LaLaurie go for drive thru. This should be its own show. Seriously.
Hank is drunk dialing Cordelia. Liquid courage for the task ahead.
And when Cordelia goes groping for the staircase, Madison stops her from falling, and Cordelia sees a flash of Fiona's murder of Madison.
Speaking of Fiona, she's out with the Axeman.
Madison tries to connect with Kyle over the fact they've both been dead.
And after LaLaurie tells Queenie the other witches will never see her as a true sister because of her color, Queenie goes to visit Madame Laveau. Laveau tells Queenie she can join the House of Voodoo if she brings her Delphine LaLaurie.
Cordelia meets with Zoe after recognizing Zoe's power in both summoning and ridding the house of the Axeman and warns Zoe that Fiona will come after her unless they kill Fiona first.
Zoe leaves the meeting and discovers Kyle humping Madison.
Fiona is a terrible liar; it's easy to tell she hasn't called the police. And how could she without him knowing? Meanwhile, the Axeman admits to having watched over her while haunting the house. He helped her fight bullies and everything. (Really? Spaulding wasn't enough? She won the ghost over too? Even so . . . It's kind of a crap team.)
"I don't believe in ghosts," Fiona says. That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard a witch say. You believe in magic but not ghosts? Explain where you draw the line in regards to supernatural belief here.
And then Fiona berates the Axeman for admitting his feelings and years of ghostly stalking.
Zoe returns Spaulding's tongue. And since it is enchanted to only speak the truth . . . Zoe forces him to tell her Fiona killed Madison. And then she stabs him.
Queenie asks LaLaurie the worst thing she'd ever did; LaLaurie demurs that the past is best left alone. Flashback to LaLaurie, upset that her husband impregnated a slave girl, kills the girl's baby and uses the blood in her beauty treatment. Queenie is suitably horrified, but LaLaurie says she's trying to learn and wants to be friends. Queenie responds by taking Delphine for a new hairstyle . . . at Marie Laveau's.
And Fiona nearly goes all Britney Spears and almost shaves her head. But then goes back to the bar to hit up the Axeman again.
Madison proposes to Zoe that they share Kyle. Threesome!
No pre-Thanksgiving episode next week. Enjoy your turkey! Then come back in two weeks for more.
I'd also like to get a tattoo but (a) I'm a big chicken, and (b) I get bored too easily to settle on any one thing that will be stuck on my body for the rest of my life.
Oh, God, Madison is doing a voiceover. She's whining about not being able to feel.
And Zoe has Kyle chained in the greenhouse or conservatory or whatever it is.
Queenie and LaLaurie go for drive thru. This should be its own show. Seriously.
Hank is drunk dialing Cordelia. Liquid courage for the task ahead.
And when Cordelia goes groping for the staircase, Madison stops her from falling, and Cordelia sees a flash of Fiona's murder of Madison.
Speaking of Fiona, she's out with the Axeman.
Madison tries to connect with Kyle over the fact they've both been dead.
And after LaLaurie tells Queenie the other witches will never see her as a true sister because of her color, Queenie goes to visit Madame Laveau. Laveau tells Queenie she can join the House of Voodoo if she brings her Delphine LaLaurie.
Cordelia meets with Zoe after recognizing Zoe's power in both summoning and ridding the house of the Axeman and warns Zoe that Fiona will come after her unless they kill Fiona first.
Zoe leaves the meeting and discovers Kyle humping Madison.
Fiona is a terrible liar; it's easy to tell she hasn't called the police. And how could she without him knowing? Meanwhile, the Axeman admits to having watched over her while haunting the house. He helped her fight bullies and everything. (Really? Spaulding wasn't enough? She won the ghost over too? Even so . . . It's kind of a crap team.)
"I don't believe in ghosts," Fiona says. That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard a witch say. You believe in magic but not ghosts? Explain where you draw the line in regards to supernatural belief here.
And then Fiona berates the Axeman for admitting his feelings and years of ghostly stalking.
Zoe returns Spaulding's tongue. And since it is enchanted to only speak the truth . . . Zoe forces him to tell her Fiona killed Madison. And then she stabs him.
Queenie asks LaLaurie the worst thing she'd ever did; LaLaurie demurs that the past is best left alone. Flashback to LaLaurie, upset that her husband impregnated a slave girl, kills the girl's baby and uses the blood in her beauty treatment. Queenie is suitably horrified, but LaLaurie says she's trying to learn and wants to be friends. Queenie responds by taking Delphine for a new hairstyle . . . at Marie Laveau's.
And Fiona nearly goes all Britney Spears and almost shaves her head. But then goes back to the bar to hit up the Axeman again.
Madison proposes to Zoe that they share Kyle. Threesome!
No pre-Thanksgiving episode next week. Enjoy your turkey! Then come back in two weeks for more.
11.13.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Axeman Cometh"
Meryl Streep's daughter urges others of the Suffragette-age coven not to worry about the Axeman, a serial ax murderer who has said he'll spare anyone who has a jazz band playing on Tuesday night. Apparently jazz is the New Orleans version of lamb's blood on your lentil.
Anyway, they defy him by playing opera records, and when he comes to kill them, they kill him first.
So that was then. And now? Zoe's digging around in old stuff. She notices from photographs how the number of witches has gone down year after year and exhorts Queenie and Nan to band tight . . . And drink absinthe.
They decide to play with a spirit board (most people know it as Ouija). They want to talk to Madison but get the Axeman instead. Queenie and Nan drop out, but Zoe persists and the Axeman sends her to the attic, where she discovers Madison's body. And then is discovered herself by Spaulding.
Less exciting, Fiona undergoing treatment and Cordelia having flashes every time someone touches her.
Teen Witch Squad gangs up on Spaulding, and he lies (telepathically, with Nan translating) that he killed Madison because he's a necrophiliac. Zoe isn't sold.
And while Misty is out watering her Myrtle, prodigal Kyle comes home. When she gives him a bath, he has flashbacks to his sexual abuse and flips out, breaking Misty's Stevie Nicks album. Then Zoe shows up and chains Kyle. Then asks Misty to revive Madison . . . Whose rotting body she evidently dragged out there. Good luck getting that smell out of your car.
Hank goes to Laveau, with whom he's been working. Turns out Hank is a "professional witch hunter." Killing off all the Salem descendants. Laveau accuses Hank of having gone soft and demands he bring her all the witches' heads.
Misty, meanwhile, has come to the house. She says it gives her bad vibes, that there is "something foul" in it.
And blind Cordelia finds herself alone with the Axeman. He won't let Cordelia out of the room—the very room he was murdered in and has been stuck haunting since 1919. Zoe, Queenie, and Nan are forced to release the Axeman's spirit in order to save Cordelia. And he strolls to the local bar and hits on Fiona.
Small world, after all.
For once, the Teen Witch Squad plot line was more interesting than anything the grown-ups were doing. But I continue to have difficulty stomaching Zoe as the would-be Supreme. And where was LaLaurie this week? A decidedly mixed bag of an episode.
Anyway, they defy him by playing opera records, and when he comes to kill them, they kill him first.
So that was then. And now? Zoe's digging around in old stuff. She notices from photographs how the number of witches has gone down year after year and exhorts Queenie and Nan to band tight . . . And drink absinthe.
They decide to play with a spirit board (most people know it as Ouija). They want to talk to Madison but get the Axeman instead. Queenie and Nan drop out, but Zoe persists and the Axeman sends her to the attic, where she discovers Madison's body. And then is discovered herself by Spaulding.
Less exciting, Fiona undergoing treatment and Cordelia having flashes every time someone touches her.
Teen Witch Squad gangs up on Spaulding, and he lies (telepathically, with Nan translating) that he killed Madison because he's a necrophiliac. Zoe isn't sold.
And while Misty is out watering her Myrtle, prodigal Kyle comes home. When she gives him a bath, he has flashbacks to his sexual abuse and flips out, breaking Misty's Stevie Nicks album. Then Zoe shows up and chains Kyle. Then asks Misty to revive Madison . . . Whose rotting body she evidently dragged out there. Good luck getting that smell out of your car.
Hank goes to Laveau, with whom he's been working. Turns out Hank is a "professional witch hunter." Killing off all the Salem descendants. Laveau accuses Hank of having gone soft and demands he bring her all the witches' heads.
Misty, meanwhile, has come to the house. She says it gives her bad vibes, that there is "something foul" in it.
And blind Cordelia finds herself alone with the Axeman. He won't let Cordelia out of the room—the very room he was murdered in and has been stuck haunting since 1919. Zoe, Queenie, and Nan are forced to release the Axeman's spirit in order to save Cordelia. And he strolls to the local bar and hits on Fiona.
Small world, after all.
For once, the Teen Witch Squad plot line was more interesting than anything the grown-ups were doing. But I continue to have difficulty stomaching Zoe as the would-be Supreme. And where was LaLaurie this week? A decidedly mixed bag of an episode.
11.06.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "Burn, Witch. Burn!"
LaLaurie's Hallowe'en festivities are, well, horrific. And spur her daughters to wish their mother dead. Unfortunately for them, their mother overhears and locks them in the attic for a year-long sentence.
So, you know, when these girls are reanimated by Laveau, they've got more than a few bones to pick.
Meanwhile, Cordelia is off to the hospital after the acid attack from last week. The end result: Cordelia is blind.
The Bible-thumping neighbor boy that Nan likes so much (Luke) is felled pretty quickly by the zombies, prompting Nan to go out and attempt to save him. When LaLaurie also tries to go out to her daughters, Zoe points out her daughters are dead. "Do you want to be dead too?" Zoe asks. And LaLaurie uses the moment to quote some Hamlet: "'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd."
And Fiona is wandering around the hospital, taking drugs she steals from medicine closets, and bringing stillborn babies back to life. (Not sure what the point of that was. Are we suddenly supposed to find Fiona more sympathetic as a character? Is this the "motherhood" episode?)
And then we go full-on zombie flick with the chainsaw and everything. And when that stops working, Zoe is able to stop Laveau with a single spell.
When Hank comes to visit Cordelia in the hospital and takes her hand, she "sees" his infidelity. Things aren't looking so hot for Hank.
Back at theranch Witch House, it's corpse-burning time! Luke is holed up inside the Academy with his zombie-inflicted injuries.
The Council moves to force Fiona to abdicate as Supreme, the idea being the Council will rule the coven until the new Supreme appears. (Zoe?) But Fiona accuses Myrtle of being the one to throw acid in Cordelia's face.
And so Myrtle is sentenced to burn.
As an aside, Witch Couture is really kind of awful. They just dress really, really badly.
Also, the CGI flames were totally lame.
Turns out Queenie unwittingly aided Fiona in framing Myrtle. (Well, she knew she was helping Fiona, just didn't realize she was helping send an innocent woman to her death. Was Myrtle innocent?) But it's all good because Misty finds Myrtle's burned body—evidently no one feels the need to bury her, or even cover up the fact they killed her—and can bring her back to life. (Is this to be Madison's fate at some point, too? What other reason might the writers have for keeping the body around? Except, of course, to give Spaulding creepy stuff to do.)
Coven so far has lacked the tension of Asylum, I think perhaps because it has cast so wide a net and tried to spread itself out too much. There are too many characters, too many stories. Asylum built up so well because it had a laser-like focus. Not just in that it was primarily set in the one location, but there were fewer characters so that each also benefitted from that focus and development. I can only assume all these threads in Coven will eventually be wound into one big ball of yarn or whatever, but on the whole, watching this season has been less fun and less chill-inducing than last.
So, you know, when these girls are reanimated by Laveau, they've got more than a few bones to pick.
Meanwhile, Cordelia is off to the hospital after the acid attack from last week. The end result: Cordelia is blind.
The Bible-thumping neighbor boy that Nan likes so much (Luke) is felled pretty quickly by the zombies, prompting Nan to go out and attempt to save him. When LaLaurie also tries to go out to her daughters, Zoe points out her daughters are dead. "Do you want to be dead too?" Zoe asks. And LaLaurie uses the moment to quote some Hamlet: "'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd."
And Fiona is wandering around the hospital, taking drugs she steals from medicine closets, and bringing stillborn babies back to life. (Not sure what the point of that was. Are we suddenly supposed to find Fiona more sympathetic as a character? Is this the "motherhood" episode?)
And then we go full-on zombie flick with the chainsaw and everything. And when that stops working, Zoe is able to stop Laveau with a single spell.
When Hank comes to visit Cordelia in the hospital and takes her hand, she "sees" his infidelity. Things aren't looking so hot for Hank.
Back at the
The Council moves to force Fiona to abdicate as Supreme, the idea being the Council will rule the coven until the new Supreme appears. (Zoe?) But Fiona accuses Myrtle of being the one to throw acid in Cordelia's face.
And so Myrtle is sentenced to burn.
As an aside, Witch Couture is really kind of awful. They just dress really, really badly.
Also, the CGI flames were totally lame.
Turns out Queenie unwittingly aided Fiona in framing Myrtle. (Well, she knew she was helping Fiona, just didn't realize she was helping send an innocent woman to her death. Was Myrtle innocent?) But it's all good because Misty finds Myrtle's burned body—evidently no one feels the need to bury her, or even cover up the fact they killed her—and can bring her back to life. (Is this to be Madison's fate at some point, too? What other reason might the writers have for keeping the body around? Except, of course, to give Spaulding creepy stuff to do.)
Coven so far has lacked the tension of Asylum, I think perhaps because it has cast so wide a net and tried to spread itself out too much. There are too many characters, too many stories. Asylum built up so well because it had a laser-like focus. Not just in that it was primarily set in the one location, but there were fewer characters so that each also benefitted from that focus and development. I can only assume all these threads in Coven will eventually be wound into one big ball of yarn or whatever, but on the whole, watching this season has been less fun and less chill-inducing than last.
11.03.2013
Movies: The Conjuring
I love a good haunted house movie. So long as it isn't gory, I'm all in. Admittedly, though, they're all kind of alike. A couple, or more often a family, moves into a house (it's usually old, was remarkably cheap) . . . Strange things happen. Sounds, things moving, glimpses of stuff in mirrors and out of the corners of one's eyes. The wife and/or child(ren) begin to be tormented, or maybe become obsessed with some pervasive notion . . . Someone may be possessed before it's all over . . .
In this sense, The Conjuring is pretty typical of the genre. Not even all that many jump moments. And yet, what I can appreciate about this film over others like it is the treatment of the subject matter. And I think that's because of the Warrens.
Ed and Lorraine Warren were paranormal investigators known for helping people suffering from problems with ghosts, demons, spirits. Ed passed away some years ago, and I don't think Lorraine does much work any more (she's 86 now). But as someone who has dealt with her share of the otherworldly, I liked the way the Warrens explained things in The Conjuring. It was very similar to the ways I explain it when people ask me about it. That more than anything, for me, gave this film a ring of truth that most other such movies don't have—even if they say they're based on real events.
The Conjuring is based on a true story of one of the Warrens' cases. I haven't done any particular research to discern how much of the film is true to the story, though I'm guessing a lot of the stuff toward the end might have been built up to make for a grander climax.
Either way, these kinds of movies have been hits at the box office, counterpoints to the epic FX films. (Pretty soon we'll have a two-party system at the cinema: tentpoles on the one side, horror flix on the other.) The Conjuring made twice its production budget in its opening weekend and a sequel is already in the works. Will it tackle that case in Long Island? Or, that having been done a few times now, will they choose another of the Warrens' undertakings? So long as Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are back (and they are signed), I'll probably watch it, whatever "it" is.
In this sense, The Conjuring is pretty typical of the genre. Not even all that many jump moments. And yet, what I can appreciate about this film over others like it is the treatment of the subject matter. And I think that's because of the Warrens.
Ed and Lorraine Warren were paranormal investigators known for helping people suffering from problems with ghosts, demons, spirits. Ed passed away some years ago, and I don't think Lorraine does much work any more (she's 86 now). But as someone who has dealt with her share of the otherworldly, I liked the way the Warrens explained things in The Conjuring. It was very similar to the ways I explain it when people ask me about it. That more than anything, for me, gave this film a ring of truth that most other such movies don't have—even if they say they're based on real events.
The Conjuring is based on a true story of one of the Warrens' cases. I haven't done any particular research to discern how much of the film is true to the story, though I'm guessing a lot of the stuff toward the end might have been built up to make for a grander climax.
Either way, these kinds of movies have been hits at the box office, counterpoints to the epic FX films. (Pretty soon we'll have a two-party system at the cinema: tentpoles on the one side, horror flix on the other.) The Conjuring made twice its production budget in its opening weekend and a sequel is already in the works. Will it tackle that case in Long Island? Or, that having been done a few times now, will they choose another of the Warrens' undertakings? So long as Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are back (and they are signed), I'll probably watch it, whatever "it" is.
10.30.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "Fearful Pranks Ensue"
In New Orleans in 1961, a black student's first day at a white school results in his being chased down and lynched. Madame Laveau doesn't take kindly to that. The end result: a rising of the dead (zombies, which originated in Voodoo, though not quite as depicted) to tear apart the cabal of white men responsible.
Meanwhile, picking up where we left off last week, Fiona is drawn out to the greenhouse by a noise and finds Queenie and the Minotaur. Fiona immediately assumes Laveau sent the beast. She finds Madame LaLaurie cowering, and LaLaurie explains that the Minotaur had been sent for her but Queenie had saved her.
Terrible as LaLaurie was historically, in AHS: Coven she's the most sympathetic character.
Fiona sends the Minotaur's severed head back to Laveau's salon.
And in another of an increasingly long list of Zoe's Bad Ideas: rat poison for Kyle! But he takes off before she can feed him, lost in the crowd of costumed Hallowe'eners.
In the past: A truce signed by Laveau and the previous Supreme. But that truce has been broken.
And speaking of broken, Cordelia's husband Hank is off having sex with someone else. Turns out he's something of a player, using work travel to sex up—and shoot—women.
Nan summons the Council because she can no longer "hear" Madison and thinks she is dead. (Not wrong.) Time for some interrogation!
Can't these witches use their powers to detect whether someone is lying? (Even if she is the Supreme?)
And now the story of Spaulding, silent servant of the school. A young witch enchanted his tongue so that he would have to speak the truth about Fiona having killed the previous Supreme, but then his tongue got cut out . . .
And so, in current day, the Council calls Spaulding to bear witness—in writing—against whomever mutilated him so long ago. (And why didn't they just ask whether Fiona had murdered anyone?) He did it to himself. To avoid having to say anything against the girl he loved.
Plot twist: Madison wasn't the new Supreme after all. A Supreme-to-be must be in glowing health, but Madison had a heart problem that she kept quiet and monitored regularly. Joke's on you, Fee!
Spaulding has added Madison's body to his happy little doll collection.
Someone throws acid in Cordelia's face in a bar bathroom. (Then again, it's New Orleans.)
And Madame Laveau summons up LaLaurie's corpses . . . And others . . . To pay LaLaurie and the school a happy Hallowe'en visit. Trick or treat!
Meanwhile, picking up where we left off last week, Fiona is drawn out to the greenhouse by a noise and finds Queenie and the Minotaur. Fiona immediately assumes Laveau sent the beast. She finds Madame LaLaurie cowering, and LaLaurie explains that the Minotaur had been sent for her but Queenie had saved her.
Terrible as LaLaurie was historically, in AHS: Coven she's the most sympathetic character.
Fiona sends the Minotaur's severed head back to Laveau's salon.
And in another of an increasingly long list of Zoe's Bad Ideas: rat poison for Kyle! But he takes off before she can feed him, lost in the crowd of costumed Hallowe'eners.
In the past: A truce signed by Laveau and the previous Supreme. But that truce has been broken.
And speaking of broken, Cordelia's husband Hank is off having sex with someone else. Turns out he's something of a player, using work travel to sex up—and shoot—women.
Nan summons the Council because she can no longer "hear" Madison and thinks she is dead. (Not wrong.) Time for some interrogation!
Can't these witches use their powers to detect whether someone is lying? (Even if she is the Supreme?)
And now the story of Spaulding, silent servant of the school. A young witch enchanted his tongue so that he would have to speak the truth about Fiona having killed the previous Supreme, but then his tongue got cut out . . .
And so, in current day, the Council calls Spaulding to bear witness—in writing—against whomever mutilated him so long ago. (And why didn't they just ask whether Fiona had murdered anyone?) He did it to himself. To avoid having to say anything against the girl he loved.
Plot twist: Madison wasn't the new Supreme after all. A Supreme-to-be must be in glowing health, but Madison had a heart problem that she kept quiet and monitored regularly. Joke's on you, Fee!
Spaulding has added Madison's body to his happy little doll collection.
Someone throws acid in Cordelia's face in a bar bathroom. (Then again, it's New Orleans.)
And Madame Laveau summons up LaLaurie's corpses . . . And others . . . To pay LaLaurie and the school a happy Hallowe'en visit. Trick or treat!
10.23.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "The Replacements"
It's the night for people setting fire to things with their minds (see Revolution).
But let's see if I can encapsulate the various story lines. For one thing, we see how Fiona became the "Supreme" (are they Taco Bell items?) by murdering the one who came before. The common witch lore is that, as a new Supreme grows in power, the reigning one begins to fade.
Zoe has the really awful idea of taking Kyle away from Misty and sending him back to his mother. I know she means well, but she must be the biggest idiot ever. (Oh, and his mom sexually molests him? So, you know, when he bashes her head in with a trophy it kind of makes sense.)
Zoe and Nan decide to pay a visit to the hot guy moving in next door. Turns out his mom is a Bible thumper, though. You'd think they'd have done a little more research before buying that house, right? I mean, not like they knew there were witches next door, but even an all-girls school might have been a reason to pick somewhere else (if you didn't want your son tempted)?
Fiona wants a facelift, but her blood work disallows it.
Cordelia wants a baby, but her blood work disallows it. So she goes to see Madame Laveau. Who refuses her because she's already had one row with Cordelia's mom.
And Fiona sets Madame LaLaurie up as a maid, and when LaLaurie refuses to serve Queenie, Fiona makes LaLaurie Queenie's personal slave. (Best moment was LaLaurie's "That magic box lies," her response to learning there is a black president. Kathy Bates is the best part of the show.) LaLaurie's houseboy returns, complete with "minotaur" head, and Queenie takes a dishtowel with some of LaLaurie's blood on it and leads him away from the house, tries to Dr. Phil him with some talk about the need for love, and to entice him . . . Only to have him attack her.
Fiona acknowledges Madison as the new, up-and-coming Supreme. But she can't step aside gracefully of course. She tries to get Madison to cut her throat but oops! Madison is the one whose throat ends up slit.
Beastliness and/or baseness seems to be the theme here. But maybe that's the theme of every episode, and of every season of this show. Motivations always seem to be primeval. Sex, beauty, power . . . And these things all boil down to forms of control. And while I can understand the entertainment value, I still can't be wholly okay with the way women are portrayed and used. Most of them are evil, the few good ones are really stupid. There is no middle ground. (Cordelia maybe? Though we've seen so little of her, and she too is driven to extremes by a very basic desire.) The wisest of them is the girl with Down syndrome, and I'm sure there's a message there somewhere, but it's sunk under all the soapy story and blood and lust.
But let's see if I can encapsulate the various story lines. For one thing, we see how Fiona became the "Supreme" (are they Taco Bell items?) by murdering the one who came before. The common witch lore is that, as a new Supreme grows in power, the reigning one begins to fade.
Zoe has the really awful idea of taking Kyle away from Misty and sending him back to his mother. I know she means well, but she must be the biggest idiot ever. (Oh, and his mom sexually molests him? So, you know, when he bashes her head in with a trophy it kind of makes sense.)
Zoe and Nan decide to pay a visit to the hot guy moving in next door. Turns out his mom is a Bible thumper, though. You'd think they'd have done a little more research before buying that house, right? I mean, not like they knew there were witches next door, but even an all-girls school might have been a reason to pick somewhere else (if you didn't want your son tempted)?
Fiona wants a facelift, but her blood work disallows it.
Cordelia wants a baby, but her blood work disallows it. So she goes to see Madame Laveau. Who refuses her because she's already had one row with Cordelia's mom.
And Fiona sets Madame LaLaurie up as a maid, and when LaLaurie refuses to serve Queenie, Fiona makes LaLaurie Queenie's personal slave. (Best moment was LaLaurie's "That magic box lies," her response to learning there is a black president. Kathy Bates is the best part of the show.) LaLaurie's houseboy returns, complete with "minotaur" head, and Queenie takes a dishtowel with some of LaLaurie's blood on it and leads him away from the house, tries to Dr. Phil him with some talk about the need for love, and to entice him . . . Only to have him attack her.
Fiona acknowledges Madison as the new, up-and-coming Supreme. But she can't step aside gracefully of course. She tries to get Madison to cut her throat but oops! Madison is the one whose throat ends up slit.
Beastliness and/or baseness seems to be the theme here. But maybe that's the theme of every episode, and of every season of this show. Motivations always seem to be primeval. Sex, beauty, power . . . And these things all boil down to forms of control. And while I can understand the entertainment value, I still can't be wholly okay with the way women are portrayed and used. Most of them are evil, the few good ones are really stupid. There is no middle ground. (Cordelia maybe? Though we've seen so little of her, and she too is driven to extremes by a very basic desire.) The wisest of them is the girl with Down syndrome, and I'm sure there's a message there somewhere, but it's sunk under all the soapy story and blood and lust.
10.16.2013
Television: AHS: Coven, "Boy Parts"
Misty brings a gator back to life and allows it to chomp some swamp rats (by which I mean illegal hunters). And Fiona continues to slap and throw people around. Madame LaLaurie, whom Fiona has hidden in her room, and then Zoe and Madison for acting out when the police come by to ask about the frat boys and the bus accident from last week.
So, you know, business as usual.
"The only thing you have to be afraid of is me," Fiona tells the girls, and I have to say I'm kind of sick of this schtick already. I saw it all last season with Sister Jude (and then Sister Mary Eunice). It's so very one note: the "strong" woman character in all these is always power-happy and evil. Motivations may vary, but the bones of these characters are all the same.
Turns out Cordelia is trying to have a baby . . . And failing. Can she be tempted to break her own strict rules of magic?
And (speaking of dark life and death magic) Zoe and Madison break into the morgue and Frankenstein themselves a boy from the most desirable parts of the bus victims' remains. (Somehow in all this no one else ever bothers to come down to the morgue.) Madison's spell fails; clearly they need Misty, right?
Oh, wait, the morgue guy has arrived. Just in time for Madison's spell to take effect (thanks to a fairy-tale kiss from Zoe) and the animated Kyle corpse to kill him.
Somehow Fiona failed to anticipate that one of the girls at the school might pick up on Madame LaLaurie's presence. Indeed, Nan's reading is interrupted by LaLaurie's "loud" thinking, and so Nan goes, unties her, and tells her to "get out."
Fiona goes to a hair salon in the 9th in search of Laveau. And finds her. Sparking a fight. (And a fire.) I'm Team Laveau here, if only because that's where my heritage comes from.
Meanwhile, I feel like the baby plot line is really just an excuse for more sex on the show. Sigh.
And yes, Misty turns up in the back seat of the car Zoe is driving, Kyle riding shotgun . . . They go back out to the swamp and Misty smears Kyle with mud and teaches Zoe about Stevie Nicks. (Known to South Park fans as a goat draped in shawls, but whatever.) So what's the theme here? The difference between formal and informal education? The honing of innate talent?
Kathy Bates is the best thing going in this show, with Angela Bassett a close second. More of them, please. Less of the Teen Witch Squad.
So, you know, business as usual.
"The only thing you have to be afraid of is me," Fiona tells the girls, and I have to say I'm kind of sick of this schtick already. I saw it all last season with Sister Jude (and then Sister Mary Eunice). It's so very one note: the "strong" woman character in all these is always power-happy and evil. Motivations may vary, but the bones of these characters are all the same.
Turns out Cordelia is trying to have a baby . . . And failing. Can she be tempted to break her own strict rules of magic?
And (speaking of dark life and death magic) Zoe and Madison break into the morgue and Frankenstein themselves a boy from the most desirable parts of the bus victims' remains. (Somehow in all this no one else ever bothers to come down to the morgue.) Madison's spell fails; clearly they need Misty, right?
Oh, wait, the morgue guy has arrived. Just in time for Madison's spell to take effect (thanks to a fairy-tale kiss from Zoe) and the animated Kyle corpse to kill him.
Somehow Fiona failed to anticipate that one of the girls at the school might pick up on Madame LaLaurie's presence. Indeed, Nan's reading is interrupted by LaLaurie's "loud" thinking, and so Nan goes, unties her, and tells her to "get out."
Fiona goes to a hair salon in the 9th in search of Laveau. And finds her. Sparking a fight. (And a fire.) I'm Team Laveau here, if only because that's where my heritage comes from.
Meanwhile, I feel like the baby plot line is really just an excuse for more sex on the show. Sigh.
And yes, Misty turns up in the back seat of the car Zoe is driving, Kyle riding shotgun . . . They go back out to the swamp and Misty smears Kyle with mud and teaches Zoe about Stevie Nicks. (Known to South Park fans as a goat draped in shawls, but whatever.) So what's the theme here? The difference between formal and informal education? The honing of innate talent?
Kathy Bates is the best thing going in this show, with Angela Bassett a close second. More of them, please. Less of the Teen Witch Squad.
10.09.2013
Television: American Horror Story: Coven, "Bitchcraft"
AHS goes into its third season with the intent of tackling witches. And my hometown of New Orleans, where in 1834 Madame LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) tortures slaves in her attic and uses blood to keep her skin youthful. Well, we all know Bates can do crazy; look at Misery. (LaLaurie is a real historical figure, btw.)
And in the current era, young Zoe gets sent to witch boarding school. While über witch Fiona searches for a way to stay (sing it) foooorrrever young.
Witchy boarding school is more like a supernatural Mean Girls. Why can't these girls learn it from their great-grandmothers like I did?
Turns out, Fiona is the mother of the woman running the boarding school. They don't get along. Really, my problem here is how manufactured the whole situation feels, from Zoe's being shipped off to the Garden District, to the Mean Girls routine, and the mommy-daughter tensions. It doesn't come across as at all organic. And though I know it's fantasy, of course, it just seems like it's so carefully constructed, and not even along unique lines. It is the row house of plotting. And though it gives a façade of relationships, it does very little to tell a story.
Maybe this is all just the setup. Maybe things get more interesting as we go along. But for now, frat parties don't really do much for the show beside drag things down to a more teen-friendly level. We're one step from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch here. Except for the sex video. (A "very special" Sabrina?)
There's a chance that Fiona taking over the school will make AHS: Coven worth continuing to watch, but is it all that different from her running an asylum? I mean, the crazy inmates were at least more interesting than a bunch of bad-tempered teens. Though I suppose Misty will rise from the dead (seeing as she could raise the dead herself) . . . And a resurrected LaLaurie is an interesting spin . . . Though I'm actually hoping for more of Madame Laveau. We'll see how things progress.
And in the current era, young Zoe gets sent to witch boarding school. While über witch Fiona searches for a way to stay (sing it) foooorrrever young.
Witchy boarding school is more like a supernatural Mean Girls. Why can't these girls learn it from their great-grandmothers like I did?
Turns out, Fiona is the mother of the woman running the boarding school. They don't get along. Really, my problem here is how manufactured the whole situation feels, from Zoe's being shipped off to the Garden District, to the Mean Girls routine, and the mommy-daughter tensions. It doesn't come across as at all organic. And though I know it's fantasy, of course, it just seems like it's so carefully constructed, and not even along unique lines. It is the row house of plotting. And though it gives a façade of relationships, it does very little to tell a story.
Maybe this is all just the setup. Maybe things get more interesting as we go along. But for now, frat parties don't really do much for the show beside drag things down to a more teen-friendly level. We're one step from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch here. Except for the sex video. (A "very special" Sabrina?)
There's a chance that Fiona taking over the school will make AHS: Coven worth continuing to watch, but is it all that different from her running an asylum? I mean, the crazy inmates were at least more interesting than a bunch of bad-tempered teens. Though I suppose Misty will rise from the dead (seeing as she could raise the dead herself) . . . And a resurrected LaLaurie is an interesting spin . . . Though I'm actually hoping for more of Madame Laveau. We'll see how things progress.
9.24.2013
Television: Sleepy Hollow, "Blood Moon"
Okay, so I did watch this. Kind of. To be honest, it wasn't really holding my full attention. But here's what I managed to glean:
Dunn (that Sheriff's Department member played by John Cho, for anyone slow to pick up on names) is brought back to life by those evil spirits or whatever to act as a kind of Renfield (and if you don't know who that is, go watch or read Dracula) in that he is forced to aid and abet the corpse of a dead witch. Not a good witch like Katrina, but a bad witch trying to get her body back. In order to do this, the bad witch must kill (burn? I missed whether it was that specific) the blood kin of the people who had burned her [for being a witch] way back when. And she has to do it all by the time of the Blood Moon. (That's one of the names given to a full moon in October.)
Meanwhile, Abbie and Ichabod (whom everyone just calls "Crane" because "Ichabod" sounds silly when you have to yell it across any distance, and what do you use for a nickname? "Icky?" "Bod?") are, you know, still trying to figure s*** out. Katrina comes to Crane in a dream and warns him about the bad witch . . . Kind of. Like, she gives him clues and says this bad person "is one of us" which takes Crane a while to figure out she meant "witch." C'mon, Katrina. Spit it out. If you have to be brief, also be clear, all right?
And then, you know, Abbie (and maybe they mostly call her by her last name too? Mills?) and Crane (who just refers to Abbie as "Lieutenant") figure out when people start dying what's going on and that they have to stop the witch from being reborn or whatever. Not all that involving, actually. Which is why my attention wandered.
The writers here seem to be better at the little things, like having Crane get worked up about sales tax and inserting a cute montage of him working out how to do things like use a hairdryer. The fish-out-of-water angle could get old really quickly, and it's been done a million times in a million different ways, but so far the Sleepy Hollow people have managed to keep it fun and not too cliché.
More tiring are the appearances by Katrina. There doesn't seem to be much love or chemistry between her and Crane for whatever reason, and I find myself groaning whenever she appears.
On the flip side, Abbie now has had a "visit" from the dead Sheriff Corbin, her mentor and a man who clearly knew more about what was really going on. And that meeting was far more interesting than those between Crane and Katrina. With Abbie and Corbin, one honestly feels they have a connection, a genuine affection for one another. But I have to wonder: Does everyone get a spirit guide of some kind?
Actually, Katrina is evidently in some kind of limbo or purgatory. Maybe Corbin is too? And Dunn? There are still many questions to be answered, of course, and the overall mythology remains somewhat entertaining. I only hope next week's plot is equally interesting.
An aside: Crane was in Room 222. Does the number have meaning? Should we start playing that game yet? Revelation 2:22 or Revelation 22:2? Any takers?
Dunn (that Sheriff's Department member played by John Cho, for anyone slow to pick up on names) is brought back to life by those evil spirits or whatever to act as a kind of Renfield (and if you don't know who that is, go watch or read Dracula) in that he is forced to aid and abet the corpse of a dead witch. Not a good witch like Katrina, but a bad witch trying to get her body back. In order to do this, the bad witch must kill (burn? I missed whether it was that specific) the blood kin of the people who had burned her [for being a witch] way back when. And she has to do it all by the time of the Blood Moon. (That's one of the names given to a full moon in October.)
Meanwhile, Abbie and Ichabod (whom everyone just calls "Crane" because "Ichabod" sounds silly when you have to yell it across any distance, and what do you use for a nickname? "Icky?" "Bod?") are, you know, still trying to figure s*** out. Katrina comes to Crane in a dream and warns him about the bad witch . . . Kind of. Like, she gives him clues and says this bad person "is one of us" which takes Crane a while to figure out she meant "witch." C'mon, Katrina. Spit it out. If you have to be brief, also be clear, all right?
And then, you know, Abbie (and maybe they mostly call her by her last name too? Mills?) and Crane (who just refers to Abbie as "Lieutenant") figure out when people start dying what's going on and that they have to stop the witch from being reborn or whatever. Not all that involving, actually. Which is why my attention wandered.
The writers here seem to be better at the little things, like having Crane get worked up about sales tax and inserting a cute montage of him working out how to do things like use a hairdryer. The fish-out-of-water angle could get old really quickly, and it's been done a million times in a million different ways, but so far the Sleepy Hollow people have managed to keep it fun and not too cliché.
More tiring are the appearances by Katrina. There doesn't seem to be much love or chemistry between her and Crane for whatever reason, and I find myself groaning whenever she appears.
On the flip side, Abbie now has had a "visit" from the dead Sheriff Corbin, her mentor and a man who clearly knew more about what was really going on. And that meeting was far more interesting than those between Crane and Katrina. With Abbie and Corbin, one honestly feels they have a connection, a genuine affection for one another. But I have to wonder: Does everyone get a spirit guide of some kind?
Actually, Katrina is evidently in some kind of limbo or purgatory. Maybe Corbin is too? And Dunn? There are still many questions to be answered, of course, and the overall mythology remains somewhat entertaining. I only hope next week's plot is equally interesting.
An aside: Crane was in Room 222. Does the number have meaning? Should we start playing that game yet? Revelation 2:22 or Revelation 22:2? Any takers?
9.16.2013
Television: Sleepy Hollow
I keep a skull (not real, a Hamlet prop) in my office. But from here on out, he should maybe make trips to the television room on Monday nights to watch Sleepy Hollow. Cuz let's be real: skulls are underrepresented in media, but Sleepy Hollow is now giving them the attention they deserve.
Seriously, though, it's difficult to decide how seriously to take this update on Washington Irving's famous tale. Parts Grimm, Once Upon a Time, and Highlander (hello, flashbacks and beheadings) . . . It's patently designed for today's epic fantasy audience. But the story has been warped to the point that it is almost nonsensical.
Let's see if I can get it straight: Ichabod Crane was a soldier in the Revolutionary War. He was instructed by General Washington to look for a man with a brand on his hand—the brand looks like "a bow" as per the people in the program, but mostly looks a bit like the sign for Sagittarius, and so as a member of that sign I'm a tad offended. Anyway, when shooting said offender failed to kill him, Crane cut off the man's head . . . But not before the man used his broad axe to slice a good hunk of Crane's chest open.
Crane is taken to triage where his wife Katrina worked as a nurse. But really, she was a witch, a member of a secret coven dedicated to stopping the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse . . . Whatever. The end result is that Crane wakes up in modern day Sleepy Hollow, having been roused from his long sleep by the resurgence of the Headless Horseman. (Their blood had mingled on the battlefield, thus tying them together for eternity.)
Cue any number of cliché fish-out-of-water moments: Crane amazed by power windows and locks in cars, and by cars in general, and Starbucks . . . Still, what could be taken to the nth degree is handled fairly well here. There was minimal eye rolling on my part.
The modern-day setup is something like: police officer Abbie Mills is all set to go off to Quantico in a few days. (This is evidently a variation of someone being ready to retire, like Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon. In this case retirement doesn't work as an excuse because Abbie is too young.) But on a call to a local farm, Abbie and the sheriff encounter the Headless Horseman. (Didn't Highlander also do the Horseman thing? Yeah, they did.) He cuts off the sheriff's head. And then Crane is picked up as a suspect cuz he's so fucking weird and obviously a loony, right?
Crane is remanded for psychological evaluation and treatment, seeing as he obviously has delusions about being from Revolutionary times. But Mills feels like Crane might be their best chance at figuring out what is going on. And then she also goes through the dead sheriff's files and finds more about these covens and the Four Horsemen, a string of cases that seem related to them . . . Including the case of her and her sister, who themselves had experienced something strange when they were younger.
Meanwhile, Crane is led by a hawk (Katrina's familiar?) to her grave, where he sees she was burned for being a witch. A dream of her (vision?) informs him that she is not buried there, but the Headless Horseman's skull is. Crane and Abbie go to dig it up, but the Horseman comes calling. Still, they manage to keep their heads and his.
Abbie of course must now decide she will not go to Quantico after all. She will stay in Sleepy Hollow. Because she is part of something bigger—she and Crane are the two witnesses mentioned in Revelation 11 (just for comparison, the title of one of those Highlander episodes: "Revelation 6:8"). The show is now set up for monster-of-the-week plotlines paired with continuation of established mythology.
Sleepy Hollow is plagued by bad CGI (the horse's glowing eyes just one example) and sometimes clunky dialogue. And it is in many ways an obvious cobbling of so many current trends and influences. The mythology is already convoluted, and it's only just getting started. But despite all these flaws, I still found the pilot mildly entertaining. And Tom Mison is not bad to look at for an hour. I'll watch again next week to see if they can pull it off.
. . . And maybe my skull will watch and weigh in with some thoughts of his own.
 |
| Don't call him "Yorick." His name is Benny. |
Let's see if I can get it straight: Ichabod Crane was a soldier in the Revolutionary War. He was instructed by General Washington to look for a man with a brand on his hand—the brand looks like "a bow" as per the people in the program, but mostly looks a bit like the sign for Sagittarius, and so as a member of that sign I'm a tad offended. Anyway, when shooting said offender failed to kill him, Crane cut off the man's head . . . But not before the man used his broad axe to slice a good hunk of Crane's chest open.
Crane is taken to triage where his wife Katrina worked as a nurse. But really, she was a witch, a member of a secret coven dedicated to stopping the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse . . . Whatever. The end result is that Crane wakes up in modern day Sleepy Hollow, having been roused from his long sleep by the resurgence of the Headless Horseman. (Their blood had mingled on the battlefield, thus tying them together for eternity.)
Cue any number of cliché fish-out-of-water moments: Crane amazed by power windows and locks in cars, and by cars in general, and Starbucks . . . Still, what could be taken to the nth degree is handled fairly well here. There was minimal eye rolling on my part.
The modern-day setup is something like: police officer Abbie Mills is all set to go off to Quantico in a few days. (This is evidently a variation of someone being ready to retire, like Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon. In this case retirement doesn't work as an excuse because Abbie is too young.) But on a call to a local farm, Abbie and the sheriff encounter the Headless Horseman. (Didn't Highlander also do the Horseman thing? Yeah, they did.) He cuts off the sheriff's head. And then Crane is picked up as a suspect cuz he's so fucking weird and obviously a loony, right?
Crane is remanded for psychological evaluation and treatment, seeing as he obviously has delusions about being from Revolutionary times. But Mills feels like Crane might be their best chance at figuring out what is going on. And then she also goes through the dead sheriff's files and finds more about these covens and the Four Horsemen, a string of cases that seem related to them . . . Including the case of her and her sister, who themselves had experienced something strange when they were younger.
Meanwhile, Crane is led by a hawk (Katrina's familiar?) to her grave, where he sees she was burned for being a witch. A dream of her (vision?) informs him that she is not buried there, but the Headless Horseman's skull is. Crane and Abbie go to dig it up, but the Horseman comes calling. Still, they manage to keep their heads and his.
Abbie of course must now decide she will not go to Quantico after all. She will stay in Sleepy Hollow. Because she is part of something bigger—she and Crane are the two witnesses mentioned in Revelation 11 (just for comparison, the title of one of those Highlander episodes: "Revelation 6:8"). The show is now set up for monster-of-the-week plotlines paired with continuation of established mythology.
Sleepy Hollow is plagued by bad CGI (the horse's glowing eyes just one example) and sometimes clunky dialogue. And it is in many ways an obvious cobbling of so many current trends and influences. The mythology is already convoluted, and it's only just getting started. But despite all these flaws, I still found the pilot mildly entertaining. And Tom Mison is not bad to look at for an hour. I'll watch again next week to see if they can pull it off.
. . . And maybe my skull will watch and weigh in with some thoughts of his own.
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