Television: Almost Human, "Are You Receiving?"

So . . . Some bad people come into a building and go up to the 25th floor. What do they want? No idea. But Kennex and Dorian are on the job!

Climbing 25 flights of stairs . . .

So that when the explosives go off, Kennex and Dorian (and others being evacuated through the stairwell) are fine. So what was the point of the explosives? I'm not even sure what they did except make it so everyone had to go out the back instead of the front.

The police jam the bad guys' radios. And Kennex and Dorian are sadly bereft of backup. Dorian begins answering emergency phone calls, including that of a woman named Paige who is hiding from the gunmen. And the gunmen have begun executing people. And throwing them out windows.

This seems like an inefficient way of getting your demands met: Random explosions and executions without any discussion of what you're trying to accomplish or move to negotiate.

Oh, finally. Some demands. First the usual, "No cops. Stand down." Then he wants cleared airspace and some military weapon.

We get to see Kennex soothe a terrified hostage, thereby establishing his people skills—that he has them when he wants and needs them, that not all his edges are rough.

Rudy offers to create a replica of the weapon, something that will pass a scan but won't actually fire or detonate or whatever this thing is supposed to do.

The bad guys are members of the Holy Reclamation Army, a decentralized terrorist cell with anti-Western sentiments.

[Ad break: I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world who would like to hit Ed Norton with a car.]

Dorian detects that one of the gunmen (that they kill) is using a "facemaker" to disguise his true identity. And that there are seven facemakers in the building. Then Kennex tries to do some kind of triage surgery on Dorian and Dorian shuts down. Some chewing gum does the trick.

Oh, and Kennex's middle name is Reginald. Because his dad had been an Elton John fan. (Well, at least his first name is John and not Elton. Or Reggie.)

Paige is overcome with the need to be with her sister, though she promises to leave her phone on so Kennex and Dorian can hear what's going on.

The police send up the fake weapon. Kennex and Dorian overhear there is another crew of bad guys somewhere . . . But where? And how are they communicating if the radios are jammed?

Dorian identifies a precious metals factory within window sight of the hostage building. This has all been a show to cover a heist. (Man on a Ledge? Only not?) And now the baddies are setting a bomb and planning to kill the hostages anyway.

Despite being damaged, Dorian goes on the offensive though Kennex advises against it. So then Kennex has to jump in (using a facemaker as a ruse) to save him. And the hostages. And then they stop the bomb and advise the police of the palladium heist that had been the true goal all along. (And so, no, they hadn't been terrorists, just using the facemakers to look like known terrorists.)

And awwww, Kennex gets to meet Paige face to face.

And then we must end with noodles. Because, you know, noodles. (But only if Kennex actually looks at the road when he's driving. Jesus.) Also, Elton John. Because, you know, Reginald.

We don't actually see the noodles. Pity.

Best episode so far. Hopefully this is an upward trend for the show.

Television: Superbowl XLIII Commercials, Part 2

I'm enjoying the dancing football players. Too bad Monsters vs. Aliens looks stupid. But I do like Sobe. I used to drink that white flavor; I don't remember what it was called, but it was yummy.

I've also really liked the Sprint "run the world" ads. The delivery guys at the school, the roadies at the airport = friggin' awesome.

Stop with the Heroes commercials, though. I really don't want to see your dumb show, no matter how clever your ads are. Okay, wait--if Gary Busey really was on that show, I'd totally watch it. Wait, my husband says that was Dan Morino. Or Joe Montana. Some old football guy, anyway. But he looked like Busey.

Bruce is looking good for his age, btw. I've never been some big fan of his music, but whatever. It's like, I won't change the station when he comes on, but I don't own any of his albums either.

My husband has since confirmed it was John Elway in the Heroes commercial. I don't know who that is, but I'm decidedly less impressed now that I know it wasn't Gary Busey.

Okay, next time I need to work on a burning oil rig, I'll think of the Toyota Tundra. Thanks for the heads up.

William Shatner! And a guy who does a really good imitation of him! Still, no matter what Cap'n Kirk tries to tell me (or sell me), I can't afford a vacation this year.

Inner hero? Universal Studios? Didn't I just say I couldn't afford a vacation? Quit rubbing my nose in it!

And if I laughed my ass off, I don't think I'd want it reattached. I could stand to lose the weight.

All those people are turning into avatars or something. Oh, I get it. Coke wants us to disconnect from cyberspace and reconnect with the real people around us. Cute.

Bridgestone. On the moon and rapping. Or something. Bring back the Potato Heads. Ooooh, what if they were on the moon?

I liked that the waitress gave that mob guy a smiley pancake.

And I've had jobs like that, sitting under the butt of a moose. (Not literally. Figuratively.) Really, though, I feel sorry for the moose having to stand there like that.

Scotland! I've always wanted to go there. Apparently the horses talk there, too, which would be really cool to hear. Oh, and the Clydesdale's name is Jake. Good to know. But wait. What happened to Daisy the Dancing Circus Horse?

Moose are strong, right? Maybe that moose could look on Monster.com and see if Budweiser is hiring. He could pull a wagon for sure. Oh, but then Jake might end up out of a job. And he needs to support Daisy. There's just no good answer, is there?

Race to Witch Mountain trailer. Cool.

Transformers 2 trailer. Cool.

The lady on the dolphin worries me. I don't know if I'm more concerned for the lady or the dolphin. (Hey, wasn't that a short story we had to read in school? No, that was a tiger, I think.) Anyway, I'm pretty sure punching koalas is illegal.

Bugs don't make me want soda. And my infant daughter has this weird, smiley sun that plays that music, so now when I hear it I just feel creeped out.

The Conan ad was . . . strange. It was like, "Oh, I know those people. They're on television." But I have yet to come to the point in my life in which I do what the people on TV tell me. Sorry, Conan.

Ah, Sout' Louisiana daddies. I have one of those. "Get me a snowcone." That's right, boy. You may be a sports star, but your daddy will always be your daddy. Remember that!

John Turturro has just confused me about beer. He was trying to make Heineken into something very serious, but I felt like he was threatening me.

"High life!" Indeed. I've had crazy bums yell that at me on the street.

I like that the Coke Zero ad tapped the classic Coke ad and then subverted it.

Cute Taco Bell ad. Gets across the idea of "fast" food. Still, if a guy brought me TB on a first date? Not that I don't like TB, but . . . I'm starting to worry that guys who frequent Taco Hell are stalkers or something. They just need John Turturro to put the sense of menace over the top.

Hey! Not nice to zap that bird for no good reason, you brainless wonder!

Alec Baldwin! I remember when you were thin! And yes, I have used hulu.com to watch 30 Rock. But I don't appreciate your taunting the fact that I do both watch television AND use a computer. After all, I'm paying your fat checks, right? So you can live high on the hog? (What I'm saying here, Alec, is that you're a FAT HOG. Deal with it.)

MacGruber! And Pepsi. I think this is a hold over from last night's SNL. Man, Richard Dean Anderson is looking puffy. Is he ill or something? I almost didn't recognize him except for his voice. That makes me sad; I so loved MacGyver. In fact, "Mac" was my nickname in high school (one of them, anyway). I carried a pocket knife in the interior pocket of my denim jacket. (Back then, you couldn't be arrested for that.)

They like saying "unneccesary roughness" a lot during this game. Anyone remember that movie? Actually, it was Necessary Roughness. Scott Bakula was in it, and it was filmed near where I lived at the time, and I saw Scott Bakula at the local movie theatre. But I can't remember what I was going to see. I just remember him saying "hi" to me in the ticket line and me looking at him like he was some crazy person before realizing (too late!) who he was. And me being such a big Quantum Leap fan, too. What a missed opportunity. He's the same age as my mother anyway, so whatever.

That Fitzgerald kid is fast. I'm so happy for him. I hope the Cardinals can hold the Steelers off for a couple minutes.

My computer is running out of juice. I shall sign off now. Sorry not to cover the last of what has turned out to be a rather exciting game . . .

Television: Superbowl XLIII Commercials, Part 1

Warning: Live blogging tonight. This means I'm going stream-of-consciousness. I cannot be held responsible for the odd turnings of my mind prior to my stopping to consider them. What I mean is, I'm typing before I really think here. Just whatever comes out. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

I don't care about the game. I'm just interested n the ads. Thus far, we've seen a decent trailer for the G.I. Joe movie, a decidedly lame Bud Light ad, and a fantastic Audi featuring Jason Statham. Early theme of the night: breaking through windows.

Now Bob Dylan is singing "Forever Young." Another theme for the night seems to be nostalgia/progress. Thank the economic times for this one.

The Doritos ad with the snowglobe was, as my husband called it, "subversive." And just a little strange, though it still made us laugh. I have some Doritos upstairs, but that ad did not make me want to go get them.

Conan O'Brien? A better Bud Light ad than the first one. Celebrities are common in Superbowl ads in any given year, but they seem especially obvious this year. Is that an economic thing, too? None of us have money except for the celebs. BUT . . . If we all just drink Bud Light and drive an Audi, we can live like they do!

And what's this Year One thing? I can't decide if it's funny or stupid. That ad didn't sway me in either direction.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head in a car . . . They don't quite qualify as "celebrities." And could I care less about (a) Bridgestone tires or (b) yet another Fast and Furious movie? Vin Diesel has apparently had to go back to that in order to reboot his career. I guess the economy can hurt even B-List celebs. (Meanwhile it must be that much cheaper to hire the Potato Heads. They'd be awesome in a Fast and Furious movie, don't you think?)

Monkeys! Yay! My husband would love to be king of the monkeys!

Matt Lauer and Will Ferrell in a Land of the Lost trailer. So is Matt Lauer in the movie, or just in the ad? I'd totally be into seeing Matt in that movie.

Stupd sexist Doritos. The only that saved that ad was the guy getting hit by a bus. Meanwhile, I HATE the &*@#!%^ Go Daddy ads!

Pepsi Max is the diet cola for men? Really? Anyway, in my experience men are whiners, at least in the presence of their "womenfolk." They may try and be all that in front of their buds, but you can bet they went home and wimpered all night to their wives--assuming they have any, the losers.

Yay ostrich! How can David Duchovny expect me to believe a dog would be better than that? Meanwhile, first Clydesdale (aka Budweiser ad) of the night. And now, another one. Both cute. First: a Dalmatian playing fetch, and the Clydesdale decides to show off by bringing a huge tree limb. How is that supposed to make me want beer, exactly? I hate showoffs. But it's a cute ad, anyway. Second: true love wins the day as the Clydesdale crosses the country in search of Daisy the Dancing Circus Horse. I wish them all the best in their life together. I can only suppose Clydesdale still has his job as a drafthorse and can support Daisy and their future offspring.

Star Trek! Yes indeed, by golly. I am that excited about it. Never mind that the trailer itself is actually not so inspiring.

Is this a Nike ad or something? Reebok? Oh, nope, Gatorade, evidently now branded "G." As if it were some rapper instead of a sports drink.

David Abernathy is exactly the kind of person you'd openly admire and privately hate. I hope cars.com totally dupes him and he buys a lemon. Because come on, the guy has to fail sometime!

Hyundai is trying to position itself as an aspirational brand that is giving other such brands a run for their money. Hrm. Dunno if that will work, but they're giving it a decent shot.

Stupid E-Trade babies. Sorry, but babies don't sell me on anything. My own kids give me enough trouble without me wanting to see more knee biters on television, trying to convince me to what? I'm not even sure, and I don't care. (And hey, I like Mr. Mister, so I don't love that they're a punchline here.)

Yay for a new Pixar movie!

And now: more Bud Light stupidity. I'm supposed to find the guy "writing" to be clever and amusing? Now if they'd done that with football--like when the commentators use the writing on the screen--or with weathermen or something, then I might've found it slightly entertaining. Maybe.

Death and taxes. Har. And wicked flowers in a box. Wow. That was really striking. I mean, as a woman I took notice. I've had people send me flowers in a box, and they were lovely flowers. But now I'm thinking, "Were those people trying to tell me something? Besides 'we'll miss you' or whatever?" (Since the boxed flowers came when I left a job. Hmm. Maybe they were trying to kick me out the door . . .) Thanks, Teleflowers, for preying on my insecurities. I know that was the whole point, but man, seriously. You hit home.

Hateful bitch on a cell phone. Chester Cheetah does a public service by siccing pigeons on her.

Back after halftime.