Television: American Horror Story: Coven, "Bitchcraft"

AHS goes into its third season with the intent of tackling witches. And my hometown of New Orleans, where in 1834 Madame LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) tortures slaves in her attic and uses blood to keep her skin youthful. Well, we all know Bates can do crazy; look at Misery. (LaLaurie is a real historical figure, btw.)

And in the current era, young Zoe gets sent to witch boarding school. While über witch Fiona searches for a way to stay (sing it) foooorrrever young.

Witchy boarding school is more like a supernatural Mean Girls. Why can't these girls learn it from their great-grandmothers like I did?

Turns out, Fiona is the mother of the woman running the boarding school. They don't get along. Really, my problem here is how manufactured the whole situation feels, from Zoe's being shipped off to the Garden District, to the Mean Girls routine, and the mommy-daughter tensions. It doesn't come across as at all organic. And though I know it's fantasy, of course, it just seems like it's so carefully constructed, and not even along unique lines. It is the row house of plotting. And though it gives a façade of relationships, it does very little to tell a story.

Maybe this is all just the setup. Maybe things get more interesting as we go along. But for now, frat parties don't really do much for the show beside drag things down to a more teen-friendly level. We're one step from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch here. Except for the sex video. (A "very special" Sabrina?)

There's a chance that Fiona taking over the school will make AHS: Coven worth continuing to watch, but is it all that different from her running an asylum? I mean, the crazy inmates were at least more interesting than a bunch of bad-tempered teens. Though I suppose Misty will rise from the dead (seeing as she could raise the dead herself) . . . And a resurrected LaLaurie is an interesting spin . . . Though I'm actually hoping for more of Madame Laveau. We'll see how things progress.

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