Bossy? Or "A Leader"?

The other day, while at a social function, I said something offhand about my daughter being bossy. An older woman stepped up and informed me that, "We don't call girls 'bossy' any more. They have 'leadership potential.'"

Uh-huh.

Look, I know my daughter. And she's bossy. No one wants a bossy leader. No one wants to work with or under a know-it-all. If you have the right answer to something, there are good ways to let that be known. And then there are not good ways. Bossy ways.

And lest anyone think I'm harsh on my daughter, let me be clear: I don't hesitate to call my sons out when they're being bossy too. My goal is to have my kids treat other people well. Yes, even when those other people are "doing things wrong" or are simply doing things that are frustrating. That's what good leaders do. They correct others in a way that is not hurtful. You can support someone and correct them at the same time.

It's true that sometimes the others don't or won't listen. This is because my kids have no actual authority over their friends. Nor should they. That's the teacher's job, the parents' jobs. And while I won't encourage my kids to be tattletales (unless there is imminent danger to themselves or others), I also won't encourage them to tell their peers what to do. That's bossy. (Group work notwithstanding. Because group work sucks. If you want to show "leadership potential," group work is probably your primary opportunity.)

Bossy isn't leadership. Not good leadership, anyway. Bossy is bullying potential more like. So don't slap a new label on it and pretend it's a good thing.

In the meantime, I'll keep working with my kids on better ways to affect change when things aren't going the way they'd like.