Television: Sleepy Hollow, "The Vessel"

Finally. Modern clothes. Though I don't know I would have gone for skinny jeans.

Alas, no, he's gone back to the Revolutionary threads. They can't possibly last much longer, can they?

Anyway, Abbie thinks Moloch is trying to distract them from more important work. And Captain Irving is in trouble—something evil wants George Washington's bible and expects Irving to fetch it for him. Else this demon will take Irving's daughter Macey.

Dude, though, Irving is seriously going to have to stop attacking people.

The bible in question was buried with Crane. Irving takes his family to a safehouse and tasks Crane and Abbie with finding a way to thwart this demon. Ostensibly this bible has the answers to that, which would be why the demon wants it. But luckily Sheriff Corbin has a handy video of a possessed Jenny (aged 19) as a tutorial?

Turns out Jenny has a history of getting herself locked up in jail every time "the voices" (the demon) would start . . . Because she was always afraid she might hurt Abbie otherwise.

So rosaries don't have much of an effect. Salt on the threshold seems to work pretty well, though. Too bad the safehouse is not protected by that. It would be, except Irving didn't bother to try and screen any of the officers? Bad planning? Cuz now Morales is possessed.

Oh, but there's salt in Corbin's tutorial! So now we know the salt can restrain the demon. And we also know, from rewinding (and also having grown up listening to records in reverse), the demon speaks backward. At least sometimes.

Okay, Ben Franklin and I have a personal history that prevents me from being objective when he's around. So let's just skip to the whole "there's a really old lantern that will help expel the demon" thing.

Unfortunately, Morales passes the demon to Macey before the lantern thing can pay off.

The lantern is being kept by a weird group of "Patriots" who know it will be an important weapon in the End Days. Crane tries speechifying, but it takes Jenny's connections to this rag-a-band group to get them the lantern.

And then the ultimate, predictable conclusion of saving Macey. That's been Sleepy Hollow's biggest issue in my opinion—the finish is always quick and relatively simple in proportion to all the buildup.

Now time to look for glowing invisible ink in George Washington's bible. What these kids do for fun, I tell ya.

Television: Almost Human, "You Are Here"

Taking a page from Elementary, we see Kennex in Anger Management class, where he uses classic deflection techniques to try and convince the counselor and his fellow attendees that he's fine. "Not like Marty over there," who has a terrible life, and if Kennex were him (he says) he would kill himself.

Then there is a really long plot about a guy getting killed, but I wasn't paying much attention. He was maybe mixed up with some bad people, up to no good. And Kennex and Dorian work to protect the girlfriend and her daughter because the girlfriend might have information they need and the bad people want to get at her.

I have to wonder how often they can, and plan to, make Dorian behave erratically (as in speaking Korean). Feels like that's a schtick that could get old fast.

I guess the bad people are tracing the girlfriend. The dead guy has something in a safety deposit box? And the bad people want it? (Seriously, this episode did not hold my attention at all.)

Whatever happened to that group of people from the pilot? And Kennex's ex who was somehow involved with them? I mean, is this one big bad group, or lots of different bad groups?

Actually, I totally don't care.

Oh, the dead guy traded his software to save the girl's and her daughter's lives. (They weren't married, right? Like I said, I wasn't paying attention.) And left the girlfriend a bunch of numbers in a safety deposit box. How charming. I guess.

Was that John Larroquette? Now that got my attention.

Television: Sherlock, "His Last Vow"

I do all of my Sherlock coverage over on PepperWords, but in short there's little to say about this episode except it was better than the two previous ones. So that's something. Read the little I do have to say here.

Screenwriting: 20 August Makes Finals

Just a quick note to announce my screenplay 20 August has been named a Finalist in the Richmond International Film Festival. Thanks, RIFF! With any luck I'll be seeing you at the end of February!

Movies: The Wolverine

I'm going to blog as I watch. I'm also drinking a piña colada, so you know . . .

• We start with the WWII bombing of Nagasaki. Our hero (that's Wolverine if you're wondering) saves a Japanese soldier. And impressively regenerates.
• But then he wakes up next to Jean Grey. Except that's a dream too? Ugh, I hate this kind of thing.
• Wait, now he's Grizzly Adams. 'Bout to trounce some asshole hunters for hurting his bear friend.
• So now we've shown that Logan/Wolverine is noble and a badass. This is what we call "establishing character."
• Why must they always give Asian girls weird hair colors?
• She has come to take Wolverine to dying Yashida, the man he saved in Nagasaki. But first we need the obligatory bath-and-shaving scene. (Hey, I'll take on the task of bathing Hugh Jackman any time. Yes, even if he's flailing like a beast. Especially if he's flailing like a beast.)
• Turns out Yashida doesn't really plan to die. He just wants to offer Logan the opportunity to "live as a normal human." Oh, and also ask him to protect his granddaughter.
• So is that considered a really good kiss or a really bad one? I'm going to go with bad.
• Oh, and Yashida is dead. So much that plan of his to live and all. Yukio is sad because she has precognitive sight but failed to see Yashida's passing.
• People on rooftops. Can't have a superhero movie without people on rooftops.
• When I die, I hope they play "Getting Late" by Rob Thomas. (As opposed to this chanting and gong thing.)
• Also, I hope no one starts shooting at my funeral. Because I would be totally sorry to miss out on that. Especially if there were arrows. I love arrows. Would hate to miss arrows.
• Really long action sequence. I am clearly not the target audience for this movie. Really long action sequences bore me.
• I do love those Japanese arcades, though.
• Did they give the one girl bright red hair so we'd be able to tell them apart? And is that racist? Kind of?
• Kaiju! I call my kids that all the time.
• More fighting. This time on a train. How long before someone ends up on top of the train? (Answer: Not long.)
• Obligatory awkward forcing together of two people (here, they must share a room in a love hotel) in order to create false sexual tension.
• Wait, what? A goat? I hate goats. Ah, I see; a veteranerian is helping take the bullets out of Logan and stitch him up. So the question is: Why isn't Logan regenerating? And the answer is: Bad kissing.
• Now we're back outside Nagasaki. Chopping wood is harder than it used to be.
• Flashback: Yashida tries to give Logan a sword, but Logan tells him to keep it safe and he'll come back to claim it later.
• More awkward tension as Mariko ties Logan's kimono for him. (Is it a yukata?)
• Kissing. Less bad than with the other lady but still painful to watch.
• Maybe he should just always sleep in a separate bed. I feel like that would solve a lot of these problems. (No spooning for you!)
• The flashes of Jean are really obnoxious and dumb.
• Oh, wait, Yukio is having a precognitive dream of Logan's death. And Mariko is being kidnapped.
• So Yashida was bankrupting his company in attempt to turn himself into the next Wolverine (that is, he was stockpiling adamantium and working to prolong his life so he could be ageless and self-healing like Logan).
• This Viper chick isn't a very interesting or formidable villain. -Ess. Villainess.
• Time for Logan to make Yukio's nightmare come true by pulling his own heart out.
• More fighting. And now Logan is back to being Logan.
• The score for this movie is pretty over the top.
• Time for the big finish. Wolverine has had some of his claws cut off by some robotic samurai thing with a hot sword. (And no, that's not a euphemism.)
• And Viper has shed her skin, though I don't know why. Just to show off maybe.
• Oh, wait, am I supposed to believe Yashida is in that armor? I'm confused. I should have paid better attention. Except I wasn't interested enough to pay that much attention. And really, I don't feel like I missed anything.
• Yup, there's Yashida. Turns out he's a villain too. And he's . . . Draining Wolverine's life force? Or something?
• Oh look, he got younger. And then Mariko stabbed him. In the throat.
• Wolverine finishes the job.
• The "sayonara" was tacky, though.
• I think Logan needs another bath . . .
• And apparently we've got a bad rom-com in the making: Yukio as Wolverine's bodyguard.
• Yay! Magneto! Professor X! Best moment of the whole movie, and you have to wait partly through the credits to see it. Pfffttt.
• There was not enough piña colada for this.

Children's Television: The Magic School Bus

I realize this is an older show, but my kids love it. It's fun, it's educational—they come away from each episode with a bevy of facts they're dying to share with me. "Mom! Did you know . . .?"

But what I wonder is whether teachers ever got upset about The Magic School Bus. Because I can see how and why they might. I could imagine an educator arguing:

We've got to get kids off this Magic School Bus trip. It sets unreasonable expectations for teachers to be fun and inventive. I'm getting students who expect to go on field trips, for God's sake. I've been teaching for fifteen years, and I don't have that kind of energy. I want my kids to sit down and shut up, not be exploring topics and demanding hands-on experiences.

Or something to that effect.

I was lucky to have a Frizzle-like teacher from kindergarten through fourth grade (though some might have thought her taking us to pick cotton like field hands was going a bit far—but hey, we sure learned to appreciate the hardships of slave labor). Now my oldest has a science-minded teacher who encourages his natural curiosity as well. And for all those out there without such benefits, well, there's The Magic School Bus. It's education by proxy, but it's good stuff. Kids are natural learners, but they learn better through experience (think of the way infants learn—it's the ultimate in immersion, going from the womb to the world) than from having someone lecture them. Take them on a ride, even if only on an animated bus.

Candles: Turquoise Sky

I found this throwback Yankee candle at a card shop. I'd never seen or heard of it before, but it smells beautiful and is the most gorgeous color . . . When I tried to purchase it, the register couldn't ring it up; the associate had to manually enter it. I do love when I find little surprises like this one. Yankee's site does show it; see it for yourself here.

Still, nothing will ever replace my [Blue] Hydrangea. (Insert wistful sigh here.)

Television: AHS: Coven, "The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks"

So Laveau had come to the witch house to broker a pact in the aftermath of all her people being slaughtered by Cordelia's witch hunter husband.

While there, Laveau is visited ostensibly by Papa Legba. And here is where the show lost me. Because I'm pretty familiar with Papa Legba, and he isn't anything like whatever this show was trying to pull. So I spent the remainder of the episode being bothered by that.

On the flip side, there was Stevie Nicks. It seems like Fiona invited her over because Misty is such a fan (and we've been led to think Misty will be the next Supreme, though honestly it seems like the title is up for grabs). Nicks sang some "Rhiannon" and . . . something else . . . But whatever. Seemed like an awkward time to have a celebrity house guest when you've got people [almost] killing babies, and making the neighbor drink bleach, and drowning each other in the bathtub.

Also: twirling with scarves? Is this part of a witch curriculum?

So. Yes, Nan kills Luke's mom after discovering Luke is dead and has been cremated. And Madison can't stand the idea of Misty as the new Supreme so she coaxes her into a New Orleans cemetery, tosses her into a coffin, and has the coffin installed in one of the monuments. I wonder whether the writers know about how we use coffins in New Orleans? They can't stay in the monuments, so we don't seal the monuments until after the body has been removed from the coffin. Then we shove the body back into the monument and brick it up, install the faceplate, and toss the coffin. That's right, we pay thousands of dollars for coffins we can't use. A year and a day after the interment, the monument can be opened and the remains shoved to the back to make room for the next family member. (Usually you wouldn't bother to open it until the next time you need it; you just hope deaths are more than a year apart. But then again, you generally have several slots to choose from, too.) The back of the monument is open at the bottom—there's a hole. The bones and remains get pushed back and then fall down to an under space. So, you know, eventually your bones just get jumbled up with everyone else's in your family. We're a close group, in death as in life.

And what I mean by all this is: if the writers know what they're doing, they'll plan that Misty won't stay in that coffin. But it looked to me like she was going to get bricked in anyway. I guess they can chalk it up to Madison having, what, influenced the workers to do it? Paid them off? Whatever.

Oh, so anyway, Papa Legba evidently wanted Laveau to bring him the soul of an innocent. Namely, a baby. But then Fiona and Laveau scheme to give him Nan instead. (Here's the drowning in the bathtub bit.) With LaLaurie MIA, the partnership of Fiona and Laveau has become the best thing about the show.

But I do wonder at Fiona's rage against Cordelia over having unwittingly married a witch hunter. I mean, I get being angry, but her anger seemed way out of proportion to the "crime."

Fiona tried to make her own pact with Papa Legba, looking for immortality, but he told her she has no soul to trade. Really? Then where is it? I know I hate when I misplace mine. Maybe she should check it isn't tangled in a shawl.

Television: Revolution, "The Three Amigos"

Um, lessee, where were we?

Aaron was talking to kids who weren't actually there (a manifestation of the nanotech), Cynthia had been killed, Gene was being held by the Patriots, Miles' hand was infected, Monroe was intent on finding his lost son, and Neville was getting crazier by the minute.

And here's what happened this week:

• Monroe and Charlie freed Gene so Gene could help save Miles.
• Aaron wandered off on his own . . . To Spring City, Oklahoma and its big ball of twine. Cuz that's where the nanotech seemed to want him to go.
• Monroe, Miles, and Rachel went to Mexico and found Monroe's son, who is a lot like his dad in attitude and in the way he amasses henchmen and then oppresses people. So Monroe tells his boy they should partner up and rebuild the Monroe Republic.
• The Patriots were injecting oranges with something and handing them out to the people of Willoughby.
• Oh, and Neville's still crazy. He and his wife continue to plot to take over the world government.

I'll admit, this week's episode didn't hold my full attention. We seem to have hit a slump.

Based on my half-listening skills, it seems Monroe was dragged off by some of his son's men. Now Miles and Rachel must go rescue him. I'm not sure why, not even sure why they went with him in the first place. Miles said it was because if they sent Monroe off alone, he'd never come back, but . . . Is that a bad thing?

I'm really just waiting for Neville to become president or something. And then it'll be all "Madness of King Tom" or whatever. And he'll have to be overthrown.

Alternatively, or perhaps additionally, I'm waiting for the promise of a big ball of twine to be made good on. Show me the twine, and I shall be satisfied.

Books: Isabella: Braveheart of France by Colin Falconer

Got this as a Christmas gift and mostly enjoyed it. I've long had an interest in Isabella and Edward, so I generally pick up books about them when I find them, fiction or non. Falconer does a nice job of showing Isabella's mounting frustrations with her husband; when her long-suffering patience breaks, one wonders what took so long.

Falconer doesn't do much by way of description; his prose is spare and the chapters are short. People who enjoy more embroidery in their historical fiction would do better to stick with Philipa Gregory and/or Alison Weir. Really, Isabella is almost scriptlike: setting and mostly dialogue with a minimum of character direction (i.e., their physical actions). It is even written in present tense, like a screenplay.

The book would have benefitted from better proofreading. For one thing, Chapters 23 and 24 are exactly the same. Yes, I mean that somehow the chapter repeats (but has a different chapter number). And though Pembroke dies on page 137, he's somehow back again on 142. Isabella's deceased father too, albeit briefly, on 143. These issues along with a number of punctuation errors were distracting. But that may just be my years of working as a book editor talking.

A quick read that gives a historical accounting of what happened and when, and strives to give the reader Isabella's point of view. It mostly succeeds.

Television: Elementary, "All in the Family"

We're finally seeing Bell at work in Demographics. He's sent to investigate a sighting of a barrel being wheeled into a recycling plant after hours. Finds a decapitated body. Calls in Gregson, Holmes, and Watson.

They identify the body as Handsome Bobby Pardillo. Or, Watson does, based on encyclopaedic knowledge of the mob. Prime suspect(s): anyone from the rival Ferrara family.

Holmes irritates Bell by offering his services to the Demographics unit. (Holmes, Festivus is over; we won't air grievances until next December.)

Things escalate as the chief Ferrara suspect is incinerated via car bomb. The trail then leads to a Web development company, something to do with e-mails between Bobby and his father. The Ferrara victim had copies of them . . . But how?

Bell asks Watson to tell Holmes to back off. Watson accuses Holmes of trying to force a partnership with Bell because Holmes doesn't like to work with anyone else (except maybe Gregson).

Turns out it was the head of Demographics (Da Silva) that requested the e-mails. He wanted Bobby found. Why? Is he in with the Ferraras?

(Not pizza. Order cannolis!)

Holmes recruits Bell to help figure out whether Bell's boss is dirty. And Bell uses his skill to grab a massive file that proves it. [Lots of chatter about motives and history and retirement, but I tuned out a bit. Bottom line: catch out Da Silva. Which they do.]

Honestly—and I've mentioned this before—mob stories don't much interest me. Not my thing. What made the episode was Watson's enthusiasm, and Holmes's reactions to her extensive knowledge. "Can a Godfather marathon be far behind?"

Also nice to see Bell roped back into the group.

Television Odds & Ends: Intelligence & Community

So I watched the pilot for Intelligence and I feel it has potential. I wasn't blown away, but found it more intriguing than The Black List. My rule is to give shows three viewings before I give up on them, so we'll see.

If you're wondering, Intelligence stars Lost's Josh Holloway as, well, pretty much another version of Sawyer (at least in terms of attitude). Here Holloway is Gabriel, a Marine who has since had a special chip implanted in him to make him the equivalent of a human smartphone. Think: if Sherlock Holmes's intelligence was fabricated rather than natural. You'd have this guy.

They've given Gabriel a bit of a personal quest: find his wife Amelia whom everyone says (a) was a traitor and (b) is dead. This will clearly be the thru plot for the show. Remember Mulder and Samantha? Same idea. While possibly cliché, I do find this more interesting than the stuff The Black List tried to do with the husband, etc. In that show, the writers hadn't made me care enough about the characters to then care about the truth behind them. Here, Gabriel is likable enough, and the idea is interesting enough. Plus, they've given him a cool body guard sidekick who is willing to break a few rules with him. It's a good dynamic and they made the good choice of deciding not to pile on any immediate sexual tension.

There is also the threat of the Chinese possibly having a similar souped-up human agent. This is nice because it doesn't make our hero the smartest guy in the room. There's nothing less interesting than someone who can't be beat. Holmes needs Moriarty, and Gabriel needs this Chinese lady. (Or will.)

Less exciting is the potential for this show to become rote. Though I liked some of what I saw, I found a lot of it average, and my mind wandered now and then. I wasn't riveted. I also didn't buy the whole Gabriel-recreating-crime-scenes thing. Side effect? What? Where's the data being pulled from for this? "Analyze it like a dream," Gabriel says. Um . . . Then I can't really take it at face value OR believe in its accuracy, can I? Someone didn't think that one through.

Okay, but on to Community. I'll admit I wasn't wowed by the double-header premiere last week, though I did watch both episodes a second time and found them better and funnier than I originally thought.

But tonight's episode—a parody of David Fincher films—was brilliant. For me, an immediate classic in the Community pantheon, up there with "Pillows and Blankets" (my all-time favorite). Glad to have the show back; between it and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, my comedy needs are being met splendidly.

Television: Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., "The Magical Place"

In which we finally learn (kind of) what really happened to Agent Coulson while he was dead—for days, as it turns out—after Loki stabbed him with the Chitauri scepter.

You'll recall (because they'd never, ever let us forget) that Coulson had been made to believe he'd gone to Tahiti. Every time someone mentioned Tahiti, Coulson would say in Pavlovian fashion, "It's a magical place." The truth turns out to be magical but far less pleasant.

But wait. Let's rewind to when we last saw Coulson. He'd been abducted by Centipede and whisked away via helicopter with Raina. Turns out they took him to the desert, to one of those fake towns set up for bomb testing, complete with creepy mannequins. There they stuck his head in a machine designed to help him remember the truth about how he came to be alive again.

Meanwhile, back on the airplane bus (leave it to the government not to know the difference), Agent Hand has taken over operations to find and shut down Centipede. Oh, and maybe find Coulson while they're at it. But she kicks Skye off the plane bus, God, whatever, leaving Skye free to conduct her own "operation" of following the money to figure out what Centipede is up to. I won't go into all the details; it's sufficient to say that Skye and our team reach the same conclusion about where Coulson is being held at approximately the same time and so meet up there to rescue him.

On the flip side of things, the Clairvoyant who runs Centipede fires Po (severance package is a killer) and puts Raina in charge of extracting information from Coulson's brain. She is surprisingly empathetic, and that's what makes her a good character and a good villain—she truly believes she's doing the right thing. She wants to help creates super soldiers to fight whatever else might come down from the cosmos, and she has real faith in the Clairvoyant. I'll be interested to see who this Clairvoyant is, assuming we ever meet him (or her . . . don't recall whether anyone has used a gendered pronoun for this character).

Anyway, Coulson does begin to remember. He recalls being on an operating table and having a machine (that looked like it came out of The Matrix) working on his brain. He kept asking the doctors to let him die. And he is voicing this wish as Skye and May bust in and save him from Raina.

Raina is taken into custody, so we'll see how that falls out. No more flowered dresses? (Raina was flattered Coulson had noticed.)

Oh, but poor Mike. Remember him? Blown up while trying to save Coulson? Well, he's not dead. He now has the same implant as Amador and other of Centipede's super soldiers: messages that appear in front of his eyes and, one presumes, a kill switch. Alas, he does not have one of his legs . . .

A solid episode. Fun to watch Simmons try to lie convincingly. On the whole I've found S.H.I.E.L.D. mildly entertaining. But it doesn't really require a lot of attention and much of it is pretty paint-by-numbers in terms of plotting. Even the mythology is not spectacular or particularly unique. I'd like to see some kind of twist, something that really surprises. As things stand, I'll probably keep watching. But if other, better things were to come on and I had to give up something . . . I'm not sure I'd miss S.H.I.E.L.D. And that's key to being a good show—you gotta make it something people don't want to miss.

Television: Almost Human, "Simon Says"

Okay, so I mostly find Almost Human very uneven. The last new episode to air I turned off after ten minutes or so because I just didn't care about what was going on. For me, Almost Human is on the bubble; I can take it or leave it. It's not appointment television, and I'm not sorry if I miss an episode. But I still turn it on to see whether whatever episode is playing catches my interest.

This one was pretty good. Sort of a futuristic snuff YouTube in which people go on the "dark net" to watch the kind of stuff that's pretty much illegal. When you think about it, this isn't so far from true. Look at reality television, look at the horror movies that make big box office, look at how desperate everyone is for their mini movies to get thousands of hits online . . . Put it all together, and this is pretty much the result.

Anyway, in this instance one Simon Lynch (let's just give him one of those on-the-nose names, shall we?) has opted to revenge himself upon those who have rejected him by fastening bombs around their necks and broadcasting over the [dark] Internet as he forces them to follow a series of instructions . . . And then die anyway. He does this to a bank manager who refused to give him a loan, and then to a woman who turned him down for a date. Alas, Kennex and Dorian are able to save the woman, causing Simon to lose viewers. He is decidedly pissed off about that.

Turns out, too, that Simon had been a police recruit training with the bomb squad before being booted after failing a psych evaluation. (Ya think? Maybe they should screen them before teaching them stuff about bombs?)

Simon takes his frustration out on Kennex by—you guessed it!—fastening a bomb around Kennex's neck. Guy's a one trick pony, really. Wouldn't be much of a show if Kennex didn't get out of it, so I really lost interest at that point.

The B plot was actually quite entertaining, however. Due to rolling brownouts, the androids couldn't all be charged and Dorian was given even lower priority for charging than the MXs. This caused Dorian to act out a bit, in part out of frustration that the MXs received higher priority and in part because not being fully charged wonked out his emotional circuits. He asked Kennex whether he could come stay at Kennex's place rather than have to share a charging area with the MXs, but Kennex was keen to keep his trophy room. The episode ended with Dorian going to room with Rudy . . . But is that better or worse than living in MX housing?

Lots of shows go with the buddy living situation, at least for a few episodes. Wilson and House on House M.D. Remember that? That was a show I wanted to see, more even than the actual show I was watching (and I gave up on House a couple seasons prior to it withering and dying anyway; the Cuddy thing was just too no). Writers use the buddy living thing as a way to thicken the soup, give them something else to write or play with when the main story is light. Done well, it can be fun. Done poorly, it's a disaster. I mean, The Odd Couple is one thing. That's a sitcom, meant to be funny. In a drama, one uses the funny to lighten what one hopes is dramatic tension. Not wanted: an hour-long sitcom. Unless it's House and Wilson. Cuz I would've totally watched that.

I liked seeing more of Paulie this week. He and Dorian had some good moments. I'll keep test driving Almost Human in the hopes of more such moments in the future.

Television: Elementary, "The Diabolical Kind"

We see the return of Moriarty, who has been moved from Newgate to an isolated warehouse where she is able to paint [enormous portraits of Watson] and read the newspaper.

Holmes has been corresponding with Moriarty while she's been incarcerated; he keeps her letters hidden in one of his rooftop beehives. But he must face her in person when the NYPD need her help in a kidnapping case. Best exchange of the night:

Moriarty: You look a little tired.
Holmes: You look a little evil.

Also a lovely scene between Watson and Moriarty. As usual Watson sees into the human and emotional aspects of both Holmes and Moriarty, which is probably why they both find Watson so interesting . . . and useful.

The case itself involves some of Moriarty's former henchmen kidnapping a 7-year-old girl. Of course Holmes immediately declares Moriarty must be in on it, despite the seeming impossibilities given her confinement. She's clever, after all, there is surely a way. And here is where the talent of the writers comes through: In the case of Moriarty's character, one really doesn't know what she may or may not do because she seems capable of anything. One feels the need to second guess everything she says and does.

Deduction shows that Moriarty encoded messages—really just numbers, GPS coordinates—in her sketches of the henchmen (meant to aid police in finding them). Further digging shows that chief henchman Devon Gaspar had used the classifieds to get messages to Moriarty (a twist on the old agony columns Doyle's Holmes used to peruse). But! Moriarty isn't working with Gaspar & Co. She's actually a victim of blackmail!

The little girl is Moriarty's daughter, sent to live with a well-to-do family because Moriarty's "proclivities" (as she called them) weren't conducive to raising a child.

Not Holmes's daughter, mind; the girl pre-dates Moriarty's involvement with Holmes. (SO glad they didn't opt to go down that road.)

By the end, Moriarty has broken free and managed to save her daughter and resettle her before Holmes, Gregson, and the rest of the team are on the scene. Moriarty opts not to kill her jailer, instead just incapacitating him, and tells Holmes this is his influence; knowing that her killing the man would have been repugnant to him made her decide against it. But again, one is left wondering whether she did it to fein rehabilitation? Moriarty's sincerity will ever be in question, wily thing, and no one—not Holmes, not the viewer—will ever be able to fully trust her. It's a delightful dynamic and put to good use in this episode.

Television: Sherlock, "The Sign of Three"

My thoughts posted on PepperWords here. And some additional thoughts here.

And one other thought: Since we all know that in the canon Mary dies at some point, and since one of the ongoing theories of some Sherlockian scholars is that she and/or John's child died . . .

(Really, Moffat just needs to hire me. But since he and the BBC are so dead set against women . . .)

Coming Soon . . .

Here's the final cover. Now just to finish writing the rest of the book.

Television: Sherlock, "The Empty Hearse"

I do all of my Sherlock coverage over on Pepperwords. You can read my initial thoughts on the episode here. And I will just add that I do understand how difficult it is to go from having almost no expectations for a program—and they didn't for Sherlock when the first series ran—to it being a surprise hit, meaning it suddenly has a lot of pressure on it. Everyone watching. And wanting and expecting it to be as good or better than before. But when something is really good, there are going to be natural dips. Perfection is not sustainable. I mean, think of your favorite television program. I can promise you (assuming you're not one of those blind, mindless zombies of a fan who have the idea that their show can do no wrong) there is at least one episode of that program that you don't like. Maybe more than one if the show was on for any length of time. So while my critiques of things like Sherlock may sometimes seem harsh, I assure you that I do admire the work that goes in. It can't all be fantastic. But some things in the world are all the more beautiful for being flawed.

Movies: Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

Starring: Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd
Directed By: Adam McKay
Written By: Will Ferrell and Adam McKay
Paramount, 2013
PG-13; 119 mins
4 stars (out of 5)
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I decided to finish out 2013 with a comedy, something to send me into next year with a smile on my face. Anchorman 2 was pretty much exactly what I expected it to be, so there were no disappointments. Alas, not all that many fun surprises either, cameos notwithstanding.

When we last saw Ron he and Veronica were anchoring San Diego. Here, as the 80s begin, they are now co-anchors in New York. But when Veronica is given the coveted nightly news desk and Ron is given the boot, things fall apart. Until . . .

Global News Network taps Ron for their 24-hour news channel launch. Then it's time to get the old team back together.

As ever, Carell's Brick Tamland is the high point of the movie. And another brawl amongst news teams is also fun—though not as much as the first time around. I also wish they'd explored Brian's interest in cats a bit more.

While overall the romp was pretty predictable, I enjoyed Anchorman 2 enough that I rate the movie four stars anyway. It was what I wanted when I wanted it, so I count that as a win. There's something to be said for satisfying a craving without need to embellish or embroider. Hungry for comedy? Anchorman 2 will sate you.

Happy New Year, everyone.

A Lesson in Kindness

I think George Saunders is right. Or, at least, I hope he is. I've noticed I'm becoming kinder as I get older, though some of that is through direct effort. My mother used to say I was mean. I always thought I was simply forthright. But really, there are ways to be truthful and kind. It took me a while to learn that, and to learn to think before simply blurting out my opinion. Though of course sometimes I still blurt.

People are sometimes concerned when I'm quiet, too. But I'm trying to cultivate the habit of not speaking unless I'm sure. Or, I suppose, except when I need to ask a question. Problem is, I also tend to grow quiet when I'm upset. So sometimes people aren't sure whether I'm thinking or angry (or maybe both).

But anyway, Saunders is at least right in the fact that kindness lingers long in memory. One always remembers when others are kind. And I've found I'm happiest when I'm kind to others. Though that's selfishness, really—to be kind to others because it makes me feel good. "Its own reward," as they say. Well, that's the reward: It makes one feel good to know one's been kind.

Looking Ahead to 2014

As we wind down the year, I already have a number of projects lined up for 2014:

• More rewrites on a rom-com I've been co-writing.
• Finishing the thriller script I've been tapped to write.
• Finishing St. Peter Ascends and getting the Peter Stoller trilogy published.
• Writing that television pilot.
• Continuing work on at least one of several other novels I've been tinkering with.

Busy! I'll be starting the year on a writing retreat in Half Moon Bay; hopefully a running start will set the tone for 2014. Things in motion, as they say . . .

I'm also hoping that one of my current scripts will be optioned and/or move toward production in the coming year. There has been interest from various sectors but nothing definite, nothing signed, and as we know in this industry, it's all talk until the lawyers are involved. I do at least know Adverse Possession will be finished up (they are scoring and coloring now), so that's something.

2013 has been a good year and I hope to continue the trend. I won Table Read My Screenplay and placed pretty well in a number of other competitions and film festivals. It's a start. In 2014 I'd like to keep it moving in the right direction.

What goals do you have for the coming year? Are you looking forward to anything in particular?

Final Round

Help pick the cover for The Fall and Rise of Peter Stoller by voting in this poll! Thanks for your feedback!

Free Books

Enter to win here.

Movies: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Starring: Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage
Directed By: Peter Jackson
Written By: Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, Guillermo del Toro from the novel by J.R.R. Tolkien (barely)
Warner Bros./New Line, 2013
PG-13; 161 mins
3 stars (out of 5)
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I know Peter Jackson puts himself in each of these movies as a cutesy kind of cameo, but the Bugs Bunnyesque shot of him eating a carrot or whatever wasn't clever, merely distracting. Which goes to the kind of hubris that has arisen with this whole Lord-of-the-Rings-and-now-also-The-Hobbit operation. It's sort of like when an artist first begins making beautiful, handcrafted paintings or carvings or whatever and then becomes so popular he moves on to mass-produced, machine-made versions. Something is lost in the process.

What's lost here is Tolkien's original story. The Hobbit is such a lovely little adventure tale. Somehow Jackson and company felt they could improve upon it by bloating and expanding it. They wanted another epic like Lord of the Rings, which The Hobbit isn't. And they are desperate to tie the two together . . . Yes, I realize that what goes unsaid in Tolkien's novel presages the events in The Lord of the Rings. But art is as much in the spaces as the lines, and music is as much in the silences as the notes. Filling in the gaps (yes, let's insert the Necromancer/Sauron, let's composite all the evils and manufacture a few more for good measure, let's bring back or at least mention characters from The Lord of the Rings that have no place in this story) has not made The Hobbit any better and offends the audience by suggesting we need it spelled out for us because we are otherwise too stupid to see the connections.

Not only that but we are pandered to by having a fabricated dwarf-elf love story thrust under our noses, as if somehow it could not be any kind of "real" movie if there were not a romantic subplot and some token female character, either for girls to look up to or fanboys to drool over. Sigh.

Well, I've said it all before, and here it is again. Best that can be said for it is The Desolation of Smaug is slightly better than the previous installment, but that may only be because I forewent 3D and 48 fps and watched this one "old style." The padding, as I've mentioned, is egregious, and the interchange between Bilbo and Smaug is weak compared to the book; in places the dialogue is too on-the-nose to be any good. (As in when Smaug suddenly concludes the dwarves are in league with Lake-town and Bilbo attempts to prevent him from going to burn the village. Smaug's response: "You care about them. Good. I will show you revenge. I will burn them." Or something to that effect. You realize, screenwriters, we would have got all that without you spelling it out so baldly? And while in the book Smaug does conclude Esgaroth is behind his being disturbed, there is no such hamfisted exchange between him and Bilbo over it. Because Tolkien wrote better than that. Sure, have Smaug mention—we cannot read his thoughts as the omniscient narrator of The Hobbit does—that he suspects the lake-men, but do not wrap the whole conversation in forced sentiment; it only shows you to be bad at your work.)

If you're wondering about what bits of the book are encompassed by this middling installment, we get only the briefest pass at Beorn, we get Mirkwood and the spiders (my eyes were closed during this bit; my 8-year-old son had to tell me when it was safe to look), the elven prison and subsequent barrel ride to Lake-town, and the entrance into the mountain. The movie ends when Smaug flies off to terrorize the lake people.

Included as unwanted bonus prizes: a flashback to Gandalf meeting Thorin at Bree prior to the quest, more of Azog (him being summoned by the Necromancer to Dol Guldur and pursuing our group through to Esgaroth), Legolas and the invented Tauriel (plus Tauriel's love-at-first-sight with Kili, leaving Legolas jealous), Gandalf traveling to Dol Guldur and being imprisoned by Azog and/or the Necromancer (after sending Radagast off to warn Galadriel), Kili being so wounded he and some of the other dwarves are left behind in Lake-town (and then the orcs come, and so do Legolas and Tauriel) . . . You see how it is. Filler. And not even very good filler. I mean, if you're going to turn a perfectly good chocolate bar into a creme-centered cordial, at least don't fill it with poo.

And yet things like Beorn and the river through Mirkwood are given short shrift. Perhaps these things are not exciting enough for viewers. Perhaps they are too difficult to communicate on film. I'm sure there were reasons. But reasons or not, I'm not sure there's ever really a good excuse for taking a great book and turning into not even one, but three, not-so-great movies.

Related: My 5-year-old daughter's take on Smaug.

Help Choose a Book Cover!

Although designs are still coming in, I've started a  poll featuring some of my favorites. I'll be choosing finalists soon. Help me out by voting. Thanks!

Movies: Elysium

An over-plotted entry in the sci-fi-as-social-commentary niche in which all rich people are assholes simply because they live well. Or something like that.

In this version of the future all of Earth has become, I dunno, Mexico or something (they speak Spanish and English anyway) and the rich people have moved off world to the fabricated Elysium, which is like some mix of Beverly Hills and upper crust Europe (they speak really nasal, clipped English and French). In Elysium everyone has mansions and people have beds that can heal things like leukemia. Being a citizen of Elysium means you are automatically an asshole because you have all these nice things and won't share them with the people stuck back on Earth. Or that's the gist I got from the movie.

The worst of the people in Elysium is Delacourt, head of defense, played by a very blonde Jodie Foster.  I get the feeling they made her so white for a reason . . . She is willing to go around, under, and through the law in order to "protect" the citizens of Elysium from the riffraff that is constantly attempting to breach its borders. (You know, like the U.S. and Mexico.) The movie isn't at all subtle; it would rather beat viewers over the head with its agenda.

Look, I have issues with our system and am invested in the idea that those who have should help those who don't. But this is a very one-sided story. Not explained: Whether Elysium has any citizenship process. Do you have to meet a certain income level to even visit? Can you petition for health care or other forms of aid? Who even paid to have it built? WTF?

I'd also like to see more than just a glimpse of how people live on Elysium. There was a party with robot servants. Um . . . Is that what everyone does? Every day? Does everyone on Elysium believe they are entitled to the lifestyle they lead, or are some working to enlighten their fellow citizens about the plight of Earth and the people still there? You see what I mean—I would have liked more balance.

But Elysium is an agenda- and plot-driven film, so balance would not have served the story. The movie centers on Max (Matt Damon), a rehabilitated criminal trying to hold down a factory job until the day the job does him wrong by first forcing him into a dangerous work situation then sending him off to die when he's exposed to a lethal dose of radiation. As we learn in so many films like this one, a person with nothing to lose is the best fighter in the world. Max is determined to get to Elysium so he can be healed, but to do so he must go back to the underworld kingpin for whom he used to work. The story goes on and on, and somewhere around 1 hour and 20 minutes I literally shouted, "This movie is ridiculous!" Because it really just piles on every narrative cliché and twist, all while continuing to drive its precious point home. Which in the end is [spoiler alert, though not really]: We are all citizens. We all matter. We all belong.

Since this is not something I did not already know and believe, Elysium is only preaching to the choir here. (And I doubt many conservatives either bothered to watch or, if they did, got the point, so . . .) One could argue President Patel was more moderate, though compared to Foster's Delacourt that's pretty much a given. Elysium's alternate title might have been Fifty Shades of Entitlement, but whatever. By the time it was coming to the final fights and utterly predictable dénouement, I was saying, "I just want to get this over with already." Which is a bad sign for any movie. Because entertainment comes first, or should. When you make your message the priority, your movie becomes a lecture. And popcorn and lectures don't mix.

Books: The Devil, the Lovers, & Me: My Life in Tarot by Kimberlee Auerbach

There is no way that's an actual reading, I thought upon seeing the spread depicted next to the book's Table of Contents. For one thing, it's all Major Arcana, and while I suppose one could do a reading with only the Major Arcana, it's not typical so far as I know. And there's only one reversed card. Either you read with reverses or you don't, but if you do, then (in my experience) there's never only one reversed card (unless you're only reading, say, a three-card spread). But again, I allow that maybe, just maybe, one card in the deck got flipped around. If so, surely it does mean something?

Whatever. Auerbach's book isn't about Tarot anyway, not really. It's a memoir with the clever gimmick of using a different [Major Arcana] Tarot card for each chapter. In this way, Auerbach traces the stories—and lessons—of her life.

The setup is thus: Auerbach goes to see a Tarot reader because she wants answers. Why else would one go? But a lot of people have this idea that Tarot will foretell the future, and while it can, it's really better made for helping a person make sense of things. This is because life is constantly changing. Using Tarot to tell the future only works in that single moment—the "answer" the cards give is predicated on nothing changing. And maybe you don't like change, and you live your days pretty much the same. If so, you probably don't need a pack of cards to tell you the outcome. But if you do, you know, have a life, well, the cards can only say what is likely to happen assuming you continue to live more or less the way you have done.

Not that I intended to lecture or anything.

Anyway, the Tarot reader helps Auerbach make sense of her life, past and present, so that she can face the future with a sort of sense of renewal. Fresh start and all that. The result is a really long Tarot reading in which Auerbach pretty much tells the reader (Tarot and book) her entire life story.

The book is engaging in tone, though I found some of the frame story exchanges between Auerbach and the Tarot reader too pat. I did like the way the cards and placements in the spreads were explained. But again, they're not the point of the book. The point is for Auerbach to tell her anecdotal history in handy chunks. And the stories of her life experiences are interesting; I found I could relate to a lot of them myself (we're from the same generation, I think, though she was a few years ahead of me based on her references—but I loved There's a Monster at the End of This Book too, and at one point did have a purple Le Clic camera).

Of course, I was not a child model (didn't do that until college), nor did I go to artsy schools.

In any case this was a quick and enjoyable read. Not everybody's life is interesting enough for a book, but Auerbach's certainly is. While most of the stories are fixated on boyfriends, and on Auerbach's insecurities and jealousies, she also breaks open her family's emotional dysfunction. Not for mere entertainment value. While it is entertaining, these anecdotes are also enlightening, asking readers to find the places in their own lives where such problems may lie. We're lucky Auerbach is willing to share; not everyone would be so brave and forthcoming. And if we can follow her path, we might be able to have the World too.

Books: Potential Cover Designs for the Peter Stoller Trilogy

So once I finish St. Peter Ascends, I plan to collect all three parts into one paperback novel. Hooray! And now I am having designers submit potential cover art. I'm very excited. Ridiculously so, actually.

You can see the submissions for yourself here.

The first round of submissions finishes up in about three more days, and then I'll select finalists who will have a chance to tweak their designs.

Motivation to finish up the work, since what's the use of having a beautiful cover if there's no book to put it on?

Battlestar Galactica Forces Me to Switch Eye Doctors

I have—had—a really cool eye doctor. He comes from a family of doctors to begin with (his brother is my dentist, and their dad was an eye doctor too), and he was the first optometrist to give me contacts for astigmatism. I mean, I've been wearing contacts since I was 15, and I've always known I had astigmatism, so why didn't one of my previous doctors give me these lenses?

But anyway, the thing about this doctor is that he really enjoys chatting, so sometimes the appointments take a while. I don't mind because we both love science fiction and have lots to talk about.

Except . . . Last time I was in, he told me I had to try watching the updated Battlestar Galactica. It was like homework. From an eye doctor. It was fine because I had been planning to try the show anyway; I loved the original as a kid. (I'm not that old—though today is my birthday!—I watched reruns with my dad.) Had the biggest crushes on Dirk Benedict and Richard Hatch, though I would have been hard pressed to decide between them. I used to make up all kinds of stories about Starbuck and Apollo, though, and all the trouble they would get into.

As for the present, well, my eye doctor told me to start with the two-part miniseries, and I finally sat down and watched the first part. (And I do love Edward James Olmos, too, from those Miami Vice days . . . Though I once asked my dad why his face had all those sorts of dimples in it, and Dad said, "Bad acne as a child," but I thought he said, "Bad acting as a child," as was astounded that bad acting could do that to a person.)

I didn't like it.

It was just so . . . slow.

And I'm therefore not at all compelled to watch the second part, much less the whole of the television series.

Let me say that, yes, I do value character development, and I am pleased to see that this version of Battlestar Galactica took the time to build that. So many shows don't. But . . . There were almost too many characters being developed here. I think shows like Babylon 5 do it better in that they only focus on one or two at a time, yet everyone gets their moments to grow and shine. And maybe BG, once in series, does the same. But this miniseries just could not hold my interest. Gah.

But how do I go back to my eye doctor and say as much to him? I may actually have to change doctors to soothe my guilt, though why I feel guilty is a mystery. Maybe I'm worried I'll disappoint him? Thus far we've been so much on the same page about these things. (He does also love B5.) How can I face him and say I didn't like BG?

Well, my next appointment isn't until spring. Maybe he will have forgotten by then? Seems unlikely. There's probably even a note in my file or something. Maybe I should skip the remainder of the miniseries and just try the show itself? Hmm. Possibly.

But that chick will never take the place of Dirk Benedict. No way.

Candles & Scentsy Update

Okay, so at this point I've had the opportunity to test out some of my new goodies. Results so far:

Much as I love the Poinsettia & Musk fragrance from PartyLite, for some reason the candle (this one an Escentual size) just cannot put out enough scent to make me entirely satisfied. The Cherry Blossom Escentual definitely does a better job, though it still isn't very strong.

I've tried the My Dear Watson Travel Tin from Scentsy in my office, opening it about halfway and leaving it on top of one of my bookcases. I feel the scent comes and goes; sometimes I walk in and can smell it, sometimes I feel like I can't any more. Shame because I really like this fragrance; it's kind of spicy and cologne-like.

In my car I've put up a Scentsy hanger in Zephyr, and it also seems to come and go in terms of smell; I think it has something to do with how warm the car has been. Since Sherlock (my car; he even has the nameplates) stays in the garage, he doesn't get warmed in the sun much. But when he's been parked somewhere for a bit, boy howdy the Zephyr makes itself known.

Winner by far is the Scentsy bar I've been burning in the warmer I bought. The fragrance is Transcendence and it smells great. Plus, even after turning it off yesterday afternoon, my office still smelled fantastic this morning.

Movies: Cloud Atlas

I like stories about karma and destiny, and especially about soul mates.

Cloud Atlas is kind of about those things.

Some would probably say it's a lot about those things, but I feel it was only really skimming.

With lots of makeup and a high production value, Cloud Atlas traces six main story lines from past, present and future, and using the same actors so as to give the sense of reincarnated lives meeting again and again. I mean, I assume that was the point. Or maybe they just didn't want to hire more cast. Because that would get really expensive.

And because there are so many stories being told, the film is also really long, clocking in at nearly three hours. But I found myself interested enough not to get restless; I barely even fiddled with my iPhone, which is saying something in this day and age. The film was well edited and paced so as not to drag, despite its length.

The makeup did get a little distracting, but I still felt they did a good job with it. Of course, one can always spot Hugo Weaving; it's his mouth that gives him away.

Like anything with a lot of different stories, some here were more interesting to me than others, but then one might be able to say there is something here for everyone. The marriage of Tom Tykwer and the Wachowskis is visually interesting and densely thematic. Hefty, even, in that it begins to lean toward preachy by the end. And yet isn't so much so that it becomes obnoxious. Maybe because they are preaching to the choir. I mean, is anyone really going to argue that slavery (of one kind or another) is a good choice? Or that might makes right? If they do, they have bigger problems than disagreeing with this movie.

One could parse Cloud Atlas any number of ways, and I'm sure many a student has written a lengthy essay about (as mentioned above) forms of slavery in the film (or book, though I haven't read it), and the ways characters fight for their freedoms and against various controls. Maybe they've written about star-crossed lovers. Or the ways karma comes round to bite you in the ass again and again until you learn your lesson.

Or maybe no one ever learns their lessons. But that's too depressing, surely, to consider.

In short, I enjoyed it. Though it was long, and in places overwrought and maybe a tad too on-the-nose with its message, I was engaged throughout, and that to me is the mark of a good movie.

Best. Thing. Ever.

Even though I'll be away on a writing retreat the night of the premiere, I am planning to reward myself with a Community break. Love this show. Can't wait.

Books: Tarot Spreads by Barbara Moore and Predicting Events with Astrology by Celeste Teal

More birthday presents . . . Thus far I am very much enjoying the Tarot Spreads book, since it gives me lots of fun ways to play with all these decks I've collected. Did you know you can even use more than one deck if you're reading for a couple? Makes sense, but I never would have thought of it. Anyway, I was getting kind of sick of the Celtic Cross and a simple one- or three-card draw, so I'm pleased to have this book for more ideas. I especially have enjoyed the Guiding Star spread, the Winds of Change spread, and some of the Yes/No spreads.

Meanwhile, the Predicting Events with Astrology book is somewhat terrifying. If I'm reading my Solar Return chart correctly, there's a fair chance I could be violently injured or even die in the coming year. (You think I'm kidding.) Truth is, this book is a bit advanced for my newbie stage of chart reading. And then I get so confused about whether I should be looking at my Natal or Progressed or Return chart(s) . . . I guess I'll need to go back a step and find a more basic book first. I do have The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk, and I've found that one very easy to follow. I was looking to move up from there, but Teal's book may have been too big a step. I'm a quick learner, but charts are complicated. Lots of moving parts.

Also, I don't love being told there's a chance I could die. So maybe I'm holding that against this book a tiny bit.

I realize a lot of this stuff can be found online, but I like having books to reference. It's faster, and I'm less likely to get distracted by a rabbit hole of information, chasing link after link through the Internet until I've forgotten my original intent. So at least the books keep me on task. Focused. Which is something you need to be when doing these things.

I have a couple more books coming, will let you know how they are once I've had the chance to peruse them.

Television: Elementary, "Internal Audit"

Bell, in the old cliché of a cop being wounded and gruff, is uninterested in talking about his situation.

Holmes, still taking lessons in breaking into cars from Alfredo, admits that although he's reviewed every decision he made in the case that led to Bell's being shot and believes he made correct choices, he cannot figure out why the situation continues to eat at him.

And some Bernie Madoff-type named Hauser is about to commit suicide when he is instead shot by an intruder; his body is later discovered by his personal chef with the word "THIEF" written in blood on the wall.

Turns out the chef, whose name is Chloe, is a once heroin addict whom Watson helped get clean. So Watson goes to visit her after the initial police interview and asks if it's okay for her to share Chloe's story with Holmes.

Holmes and Watson then question a Mr. Weiss, for whose charity Hauser had donated free CPA services free of charge.

And a reporter who'd broken Hauser's story is then found murdered in the same style as Hauser had been. Time of death estimated at just a few hours after Hauser. Hmm.

Holmes is able to deduce the route taken by the killer by residue left from his shoe when he kicked in the reporter's door. Time to check the surveillance tapes.

Then Alfredo nominates Holmes to sponsor a young man named Randy. But Holmes says he's too busy.

Watson finds Nelson Maddox on the surveillance video and recognizes him . . . Because he had been a "friend" of Chloe's. When she goes to see Chloe again, Chloe tells Watson her confidentiality agreement means she cannot mention Chloe in connection with Maddox. So if they want to bring Maddox to Gregson's attention, Holmes and Watson will have to take another avenue.

They do, and the end result is discovering Maddox is an artist (so says Weiss, who remembers Maddox from one of the charity fundraisers—he'd come as a guest of Hauser) and then finding Maddox's body in the Dumpster of an art gallery.

In Maddox's car: the gun and rope matching Hauser's and the reporter's murders.

Turns out the gallery is a money laundering front. Because Weiss has been embezzling from the charity. And Hauser had spilled the beans about this to the reporter as a kind of confessional prior to his planned suicide.

And Bell is offered a job in the "Demographics Unit" where he can keep an eye on "certain groups" to help protect NYC from any terrorist attacks.

Plus, Holmes invites Randy over. Because, as Alfredo pointed out to him, he's gotten a lot out of the program and now it's time to give back.

Though the conversations between Holmes and Alfredo this episode were a bit heavy handed, they drove the character development home: Holmes used not to care about other people, or at the very least not so much that it interfered with his work or preyed on his mind. But now . . . He's changed. He's made human connections. While before he could put himself in the shoes and mindset of the criminals he sought, and also the victims, now Holmes's capacity for empathy is expanding. And he's finding it a tad unnerving.

So it's good to see this, and even good to verbalize it a bit. Though maybe we didn't need Alfredo to be quite so on-the-nose with it. (But that's just me. I hate it when I feel like the writers are trying to explain something to me that shouldn't have to be explained. After all, if you write the character well enough, I'll get what's going on without you having to point it out in dialogue.)

Overall, a good episode, though it returned to the old formula. But nice additions of having one of Watson's old clients turn up, and of showing Holmes's emotional progress.

Television: AHS: Coven, "Head"

So let's see if we can follow all the moving pieces here. The episode begins in 1991, with a young Hank and his father hunting. Pretty easy to foresee that it's not just the average game, but "the most dangerous game" they're after. In fact, I'm not entirely sure of the point of this scene. Do they want us to see that Hank isn't all bad? That's he's under pressure from his father (and the larger witch-hunting organization)? Whatever.

Myrtle and Cordelia have a moment in which Myrtle wants to be sure Cordelia knows she wasn't the one to throw acid on her. (Turns out that was the witch hunters, we learn later.) Then Myrtle paralyzes the other two Council members, takes one eye from each, then dismembers them and implants the mismatched eyes in Cordelia. So now Cordelia can see . . . but no longer "see." (That is to say, her visions when she touches people have gone.)

Meanwhile, in the hospital Luke's mother watches over him and won't let Nan visit. Madison and Zoe make a token appearance this episode to escort Nan into the hospital room. Nan communicates telepathically with Luke, and for a while the mom considers her "a miracle." Until the moment Nan reveals (or Luke does, through Nan) that the mom murdered her husband, Luke's father (can anyone type that and not think "Vader"?), when he tried to leave her for another woman. So Nan gets sent away, and when Luke awakens in the hospital, his mother smothers him with a pillow.

Hank is given instructions to finish off the witches and the Voodoo women in New Orleans—including his wife, whom he was only intended to marry in order to get close enough to kill them all. But when he begins taking on the Voodoo salon—and he does manage to gun down pretty much everyone but Laveau—a gut shot Queenie is able to grab a gun, stick it in her mouth, and blow her own brains out, thus affecting Hank's demise as his brains spatter also.

This leaves LaLaurie's head upstairs in Queenie's room, btw. Fiona had returned it earlier in attempt to ally the coven with the Voodoo clan, but Laveau had dismissed her. Of course, in the aftermath of having her clan decimated, the episode ends with Laveau coming to the coven house.

So . . . Will a big group of witch hunters be descending on New Orleans now? (My DVR cut off any previews.) Is Misty really the new Supreme? Are we finally finished with Luke and his Bible beating mother? And if anyone did burn LaLaurie's head, would it actually kill her? I'm just unclear about this show's rules for immortality.

Also not terribly fond of the fact they killed the dog.

Books: The Secret Pilgrim by John Le Carré

It isn't so much a novel as a collection of anecdotal stories told not by George Smiley (though this is, I think, the last "Smiley novel") but by some guy named Ned, also of the Service, having come up after Smiley. The frame story involves Ned being an instructor at the spy training facility (never mind all the cute names; that's what it is) and asking Smiley to come speak at a function. After the official festivities are concluded, Smiley takes up a post in the library and students poke and prod him with questions. But instead of getting Smiley's stories, we get Ned's reminiscences.

As with any collection of stories, some here are better and more interesting/entertaining than others. I cannot like Ned's infidelity—or rather, I could forgive it if he were sorry, but instead he rhapsodizes about some young Bulgarian girl he fucked like an animal, so as a character he lost quite a bit of my sympathy there. But I very much liked the tale of Frewin, which came near the end of the book, and there were a few others (Smiley and the cuff links, which was utterly predictable but still good, for example).

And I kind of wanted to know what happened to Ben. I mean, we get some hint, but he was a potentially interesting character of which I feel I didn't quite see enough.

The book winds down with Smiley more or less lecturing against big government and the need to keep an eye on the ozone layer (the book is from 1990), and then Ned's last pre-retirement outing wherein he is lectured by a nasty capitalist who sees no problem with selling guns to third-world countries because if they are going to kill each other they'll do it no matter what, and he might as well make some money from it.

In other words, it gets a bit preachy and casts a kind of shadow of disappointment over the state of the world.

As I said, I think this is the last Smiley novel? Seems like every time I think I've read them all I discover there's another one . . . But I recently consulted a list and it appears I am finally done. Not a bad group of books overall. And now if they make any more movies I'll be appropriately prepared.

Candles: Yankee, PartyLite, Scentsy & Others

Okay. My PartyLite and Scentsy are here, and while I haven't yet had the opportunity to try them all out, I figure I should start by enumerating my pre-existing candles. I've touched on some of these in previous posts, but this is a kind of follow-up.

• Yankee's Australian Oasis—a little fruity in scent for my taste, and it gives me a bit of a headache to burn it for very long
• Yankee's Green Grass—they seemed to have revamped this to be a darker green and more like the old Riding Mower; I love it
• Yankee's Fresh Cut Roses—nicer than Pink Blush but can be overwhelming
• Yankee's Lakeside Birch—I really like this one but can't burn it for as long as some of the others because it is strong and will give me a headache after a while
• Yankee's Autumn Sky—a new favorite in that I love the scent and it is not too strong; mine's almost gone
• Yankee's Coastal Breeze—liked it in the jar but hardly puts out any scent at all when burned (and this is in my home office, a closed space)
• Yankee's Nightfall—very nice, a tad musky; I only have a small one so it's not strong, no idea how a bigger one might do
• Yankee's Midnight Cove—similar to Nightfall (I also only have a small one of these)
• La Bougie's Sun Kissed—enjoy the frosted glass and the look of this candle but it isn't very powerful in scent and is slightly more citrusy than I usually like
• Nature's Wick's Tranquil Waters—love this one from color to scent though it's burning a tad unevenly in the jar

What I have on tap:

• PartyLite Escentual in Poinsettia & Musk—love this scent and got it in votives last year but they weren't that strong when burning, so I'm curious to see if this larger candle puts forth more smell
• PartyLite Escentual in Cherry Blossom—kind of smells like candy . . .
• PartyLite Celestial Lights in Aries—love the smell of this, and my Aquarius candle did put out strong scent last year, so we'll see how this one does (PartyLite's site says they'll be retiring these soon . . .)
• & a ton of Scentsy stuff so we can see how they hold up to candles . . .

I will let you know how all these do once I've rigorously tested them in my home office. Remember, I do all these in a closed space; results may vary if you're burning any of these in a larger area. For example, the candles I find too strong for my office often get transferred to kitchen duty to cover cooking smells and tend to do well there. (Also, I got some car tins from Scentsy, so we'll see how that goes.) Stay tuned for final results!

ETA: The opening salvo has been this: I opened a Scentsy travel tin in "My Dear Watson" (because I must start there, mustn't I?). At first I only opened it about a quarter of the way but I wasn't getting much scent from it, so I opened it halfway and left it so overnight, and now my office has a nice, spicy smell, something like cologne. But either I've grown used to it or it fades fast because it's less noticeable now than it was.

Television: Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., "The Bridge"

Um . . . For an episode that was upping the overall mythology quotient of the show, this still didn't hold my interest much.

A man named Poe is broken out of prison by some Centipede-infused super soldiers. This is the man Raina had visited at the end of "Girl in the Flower Dress." Anyway, in order to get a line on things, Coulson & Crew hit up our old friend Mike (from the pilot episode) who is now training with S.H.I.E.L.D.

We learn that the Extremis in Mike was somehow stabilized through the weapon Fitz and Simmons had developed and Ward had shot him with in the Union Station fight.

We learn that the super soldiers fueled by Centipede also have kill switches in them. That Poe communicates with someone called "The Clairvoyant" whom we never see but who seems to be running things.

And then in the ultimate predictable move, Raina kidnaps Mike's son Ace and demands an exchange. Not Mike in return for Ace, but Agent Coulson. Because Raina and her people want to explore how Coulson came back from the dead.

Oh, and we also find out May is one of the only people in the world who gets crankier the more she gets laid. Geez, bitch, dial it back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, big subplot about how Skye continues to try figuring out who her parents are while Coulson and May are hiding the truth and leading her astray.

So how is it this episode ended up being less than the sum of its parts? Even Mike's death as he attempted to do the right thing and save Coulson failed to elicit the feelings I'm sure it was meant to (is it wrong that I was hoping they'd finally added a POC to the team?) . . . I think the problem is, as I mentioned, just how rote and by-the-numbers the story was here, and has become overall. I mean, I like Coulson, but just as the relentless focus on Skye dragged the earlier episodes down (she's much more likable now in the smaller doses), now this intense focus on Coulson and "Tahiti" has become a bore. What should pass for tension and anticipation . . . doesn't. The pacing is off somehow.

Initial ratings results show last night's episode was a low for the show, and I'm beginning to wonder whether they'll be able to legitimize a second season given how expensive this must be to produce. It's a shame because I do like it, just wish they'd get a bit creative with it.

Television: Sleepy Hollow, "The Golem"

Remember how Katrina had a baby boy in secret? Crane is kind of fixated on that. And I guess that's fair. But it's like when one of your friends goes through a crush or a breakup—it's all they want to talk about and after a while you get really tired of hearing about it. Even though you want to be supportive and all, you can't help thinking, Geez, isn't there anything else in your life?

Crane calls on our Sin Eater friend Henry Parrish. To, like, nearly kill him. (That is, to have Parrish bring him—Crane—closer to death because that will allow him to communicate with Katrina.)

In a really crooked liminal space, Katrina tells Crane their son is named Jeremy. She tells of having to flee her coven and having to give the baby up to a church, but not before giving him a really creepy doll.

Crane vows to find out what happened to Jeremy. And then must run away before the titular Golem can grab him within whatever limbo they're inhabiting as they chat.

Alas, that Golem then bursts forth from the earth of Sleepy Hollow.

And Irving is showing a distinct decline in his faith in God. This seems like such a cliché but it was handled pretty well here, not too overbearing. And they continue to make Irving a little more interesting with each new episode. Good character building.

Trinity Church is where Katrina left Jeremy. Historical logs show people were afraid of him because he could start fires by crying. He was eventually sent to an orphanage. Meanwhile, the Golem crushes librarian Miss Hudson in her car before Crane & Co can demand more information.

The Golem is the doll, btw. We've all figured that out, right?

(I like looking at Tom Mison, but he gives equal weight and intensity to pretty much everything he says, which makes his dialogue kind of monotonous. Of course, if he keeps looking like that, I probably won't care.)

The stuff going on with Irving is actually way more creepy than anything going on with Crane or Abbie. Maybe because it's more rooted in the natural world, less over the top (relatively).

Golem is looking for the four women from Katrina's old coven, the women who banished Katrina to purgatory. So now Crane, Abbie, and Henry must find these women before the Golem does, and hopefully convince them to release Katrina. But when they find the women participating in a carnival, they tell Crane his arrival foretells their death.

They also tell how Jeremy refused to join their coven so they imprisoned the Golem in purgatory and hexed Jeremy to stop his heart. And because Jeremy's blood gave the Golem life, only Jeremy's blood can stop him. Geez, this show has a thing about blood. And so far we haven't even had any vampires.

Why is this Golem trying to hurt Crane if its job is to defend Jeremy? Crane doesn't want to hurt Jeremy.

It takes Henry a ridiculous amount of time to conclude that Jeremy's blood is also Crane's blood. And why didn't Crane or Abbie think of it either? After trying to reason with the thing, Crane is forced to stab it with a shard from a shattered funhouse mirror—one that is handily tipped with Crane's own blood.

And then Abbie gives Crane a stocking with his name on it. And Crane walks through a mirror into a forest and is threatened by . . . something . . . So what else is new?

I'm starting to get that old feeling that no real progress is being made here. I mean, we found out about the son, and that turned out to be a non-entity. (For now. I'm willing to entertain the possibility that he will return from this hex in some form or fashion.) And now we're back to the usual: Katrina in limbo (yawn, who cares) and lots of weird creatures threatening Crane and Abbie with the apocalypse. Sigh. When is this game going to change?

Television: Almost Human, "Blood Brothers"

A guy named Ethan Avery is on trial for killing a man named Dr. Fuller. There are two witnesses in protective custody, but the safe house is compromised and one witness is murdered while on the stand. The other escapes—and she's a "medium psychic." This is apparently a side effect from a Cerebellex procedure.

Anyone else thinking twins? Particularly given the episode title?

Or maybe more like clones.

But at least our team of police folk are smart enough to ask these questions as well. And Dr. Fuller had been involved in early work on stem cell cloning; after cloning was banned, he redirected his career to reproduction and fertility.

Ooh, and maybe Ethan Avery and his clone have some kind of telepathic link too.

After being attacked and landing psychic girl in the hospital, Kennex figures out Avery's people are monitoring police comm channels and that's how they're getting information.

Minka Kelly (her character is actually named Valerie, but c'mon, we're all just going to refer to her as Minka Kelly) finally gets something to do. She goes to the Fuller house and finds the link between Fuller and Avery: A letter regarding Fuller wanting to publish research. But of course she had been using the compromised frequency and so she gets grabbed by Avery^{2, 3, etc.}. And then they call and demand a swap: the imprisoned Avery for Minka Kelly.

But then the police use projection technology to try and trick the clones into believing they're getting their primary back, and when the projection fails there is an anticlimactic shoot-out and a van that rolls over and explodes. No more clones. And Avery gets his trial and gets locked up for life.

This episode started really well and then just kind of ground to a halt in the middle and became as utterly predictable as ever. This show has thus far been very uneven and its ratings are sauntering vaguely downward week by week; if it can't get some traction—that is, become less predictable and colorless (because the characters aren't really shining through in a lot of this)—I don't think we'll be seeing much more of it.

Television: The Wrong Mans

So I'd heard this Hulu series was good and had been wanting to see it, and finally tonight I was able to watch the first two episodes.

And it is really good.

I only stopped watching because it was getting late and I'm grown-up enough to know I need a certain amount of sleep to get through the day without ripping heads off. I could easily have kept popping episodes of this show like candy.

Going in, I had only a vague idea of what the show was about, so if you're in the same space as I was, I'll give you the notes: Sam (Mathew Baynton) witnesses a car accident while walking to work one morning, and after the wreckage is cleared discovers a ringing mobile phone. He answers it only to be threatened with the death of his wife. Clearly the owner of this phone had some, er, issues.

Meanwhile, Sam has problems of his own in that his boss is also his ex. (The part I don't get: why she's willing to depend on him to make her look good at an important meeting? Unless she's just that sure of his devotion. In which case she's using him. Bitch.)

Okay, but Sam just wants to turn the whole phone thing over to the police . . . Except then he gets a voicemail on the phone, complete with a woman screaming, that says if he goes to the police she will die. And Sam can't live with that on his conscience. He inadvertently ropes in the mailroom assistant Phil (the ever funny James Corden) as they attempt to sort out the threads of this phone, its owner, and how to save the damsel in distress.

It's truly a funny show, well written and equally well produced. Just has all the right touches and is paced perfectly so as not to be boring while still developing characters one cares about and can cheer for. I'm looking forward to more. Only sorry there are only six to start with.

Television: I Love Loki

This isn't a show. But it should be.

Picture Thor shaking his fist and shouting, "Loki, you have some explaining to do!"

ABC could air it as the follow-up to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

It would be awesome.

Just sayin'.

Someone who has the talent and ability, please turn this into a parody web series or something. You know, animate it or whatever. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm dying to see it happen.

Music: Classical

I don't know much about classical music. I can name some of the famous composers: Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner, Handel, Mahler . . . I know I'm missing a lot of them. Like, a lot. But that's because I've always mostly avoided classical music.

Why?

Because when I listen to it—I mean, really sit down and listen—I dislike the effect it has on me. It moves me more than I like. "Pomp and Circumstance" reduces me to tears every time. No idea why. And that's not even the really old classical stuff, but still. Classical (or maybe orchestral) music weirds me out.

This isn't true of, say, movie soundtrack music. I have many John Williams and Bruce Broughton CDs and all that and I don't sob when I hear any of it.

When I was in high school they arranged for the Honors students to visit the Meyerson Symphony Center, which was still pretty new at the time. It was exciting because we all got dressed up (I'll never forget, I wore black velvet) and went to listen. And I love music. I love the pictures it paints in my mind. But classical music does something to my insides that not just any kind of music seems able to do. And that night I sat and listened and then found myself having to focus on all the old people sitting around us—one of them was trying to surreptitiously unwrap peppermints or toffees or something—to keep from falling apart in front of all my classmates.

People may think I have a hard heart, but I don't. I have a very guarded one.

Anyway, today I have been listening to some Mozart and some Beethoven, and I have not been crying because I've been tuning a lot of it out as I write. But I've at least discovered I prefer Beethoven to Mozart. I like them both, I guess, but I like Beethoven more. That seems like a good thing to know about oneself, and it's a step, albeit a tiny one, in dipping myself into classical music. A kind of therapy, maybe. You know, where small amounts of exposure to something helps cure you of the phobia or whatever? Like that.

What shall I try next, I wonder?

Television: Elementary, "Tremors"

Holmes is in trouble. An administrative hearing is being held because he "screwed up" and now a police officer is in the hospital.

The story, then, is told in a number of flashbacks as the plot is extracted from Holmes via questioning. A schizophrenic young man referring to himself as "the knight" enters the precinct and says he was forced to kill "the queen." He brings with him a bloody coat and a shotgun.

Turns out the would-be knight's name is Silas Cole. But where is this queen of his? By visiting Silas' home they determine (through magazine labels) her name is Rodda Hollingsworth and find her address. She's dead, from a shot to the chest that obliterated her heart. This convinces Holmes that Silas wasn't the one to kill her because a knight—one who had claimed he had killed his queen to "save her soul"—wouldn't kill in such a fashion.

At this point Watson enters the courtroom to fetch Gregson and it is revealed that Bell is the officer in the hospital.

And after a recess, Holmes tries to make nice with the examining attorney Ms. Walker.

Going back to the case, it turns out Hollingsworth had cancer and was paying for treatment through a viatical (meaning she surrendered her life insurance money in return for a monthly payment) managed by one James Dylan. Who besides being a sleaze is on parole. But has an alibi for the time Hollingsworth was killed. (To be clear, the reason he would want her dead is because the longer she lived, the less profitable for him and the viatical.)

Through some medical chatter regarding potassium and the natural buildup of such after a person dies, Holmes and Watson work out that Hollingsworth was actually killed by potassium chloride. Silas is innocent; in his schizophrenic state he is incapable of such premeditated murder. (But then . . . Did he shoot her? After she was dead? I thought Holmes had said a knight would not shoot his queen in the heart . . . Maybe we're coming to that.)

And what does any of this have to do with Bell being in the hospital? Who the hell knows.

Home after a day on the stand, Holmes makes Yorkshire puddings. And throws them away. Then he and Watson argue about whether the end justifies the means. That is, whether it's okay to break the law in the greater service of justice.

Then it is Watson's turn on the stand. She relates how she and Holmes examined the remains of Hollingsworth. It appears Hollingsworth had an enlarged heart. Turns out the experimental drug Hollingsworth was taking might have caused this, and the side effect would have cost her doctor a great deal of money if the drug didn't make it to the next stage of trials. The doctor confesses to having murdered Hollingsworth. And shooting her.

And then . . .

While leaving the police station, James Dylan approaches Holmes, Watson and Bell. He's angry because he lost his job after Holmes and Watson visited his workplace. Worse, his parole officer cites him for violation and he's going back to jail. So! He decides he'll shoot Holmes first. Cuz if he's going to be put away anyway . . .

Except Bell jumps in front of the bullet.

So that's how we get to Bell being hospitalized.

There's some question, too, whether Bell will regain full use of his right arm.

Meanwhile, Holmes has thus far refused to visit Bell in hospital. So Watson gives him an earful about that.

The judge in the administrative hearing advises that Holmes and Watson, due to their flagrant disregard for the rules, should be terminated as consultants for the NYPD. The police commissioner then visits Bell to get his thoughts on whether Holmes and Watson are worth the trouble. Ball is in Bell's court.

And then Holmes does finally visit Bell to thank him, and to apologize as well for mishandling the James Dylan situation. Holmes offers Bell access to some of the best doctors, but Bell turns him down and walks away.

Yet it was Bell's good word that prompted the commissioner to disregard the judge's recommendation and keep Holmes and Watson on as consultants.

I enjoyed the change in structure this week. So many flashbacks could have been wearying, but they were handled well here. This was a nice change of pace. Though I kind of want to see more of this kid who thinks he's a knight. Can we have a show about him? Could be fun.

Movies: Thomas: King of the Railway

I can't actually review this DVD movie in full because I haven't sat down to watch it. But I can report on at least one 4-year-old enthusiast's reaction:

"Mom, this is a powerful movie."

There you have it.

Television: AHS: Coven, "The Sacred Taking"

When we last left the Teen Witch Squad . . .

Queenie had defected over to Madame Laveau. And as the episode opens, she's fetching a "dark heart" for Laveau.

Meanwhile, Fiona is bitching and moaning about the fact she's dying of cancer. Geez, why doesn't she get herself some of that immortality potion? (Actually, I don't know how that would work out. Would you be immortal but still have cancer?)

And, just when we'd almost forgotten they existed, we go back to Luke and his Bible-crazy mother. She wants to rid Luke of his impurities, which he supposedly got from having been in the witch school. Moms in this show just suck all around, don't they?

Misty runs to the school when a resurrected Myrtle comes to warn her of a man with a gun circling the shack. Cordelia extends an offer of protection to her . . . And Myrtle, who has come along. And then Myrtle announces Misty as the next Supreme.

The titular "sacred taking" is the name of the ceremony for the ascension of the new Supreme. Time to put on red cloaks and black lace mantillas! It's a crisis management ceremony meant to ensure the survival of the coven when things go south. Like, you know, Salem Witch Trials bad. Thing is, it requires the death of the current Supreme. And Fiona seems unlikely to sacrifice herself.

Cue some bizarre filming choices as Madison coerces Fiona by suggesting she OD on pills rather than be burned at the stake for having killed another witch. (But wait—can they prosecute Fiona if Madison isn't actually dead? Isn't it really only attempted murder? Or does the fact that Madison was dead for a while mean the murder charge stands?)

Madison also claims to be the next Supreme. It's a trick, but Fiona seems to fall for it. She begins to do up her face and prepare to leave a beautiful corpse.

And Myrtle steals the jewelry.

And then Spaulding (who, remember, Zoe killed) arrives and tells Fiona the girls have been lying to her. He then gives her something to help her puke up the pills.

Back at the ranch salon, Queenie brings LaLaurie a Jumbo Jack with cheese. It's clear Queenie doesn't feel all that good about having given LaLaurie up . . . But then Laveau shoos Queenie away and cuts LaLaurie's hand off. Have to say, kind of weak, that interaction. There should be something far more spectacular happening here—happening in every part of this show, really—but it's just kind of paddling along. It has too many characters and plot lines and not enough actual tension or action. Compared to Asylum, this season is really lacking.

We go back to Luke's house, where Nan has gone to rescue him from his evil mother. Bible Mom calls the police saying there is an "armed and dangerous" intruder in her home, and when Luke stands up to her, she threatens to "unmake him." But before she can try, shots are fired from outside the window and the mom and Luke both go down.

The spatter pattern behind the mom doesn't make any sense, though. That kind of bothers me.

Kyle chooses the moment the coven is under attack to tell Zoe he loves her. And of course, Madison overhears.

Now the coven must resolve its differences in order to take on the witch hunter (that is, of course, Cordelia's husband Hank).

And in a tit-for-tat, Laveau sends LaLaurie's head back to the school in a box. And of course LaLaurie is still alive.

So for all this—the bad neighbors, the fight with Laveau, the witch hunter, the infighting, Misty, Kyle, Spaulding, the Axeman, the whole LaLaurie thing—I still feel like nothing very interesting is going on. It's just sort of crawling, with spikes of [utterly predictable] action here and there, but nothing all that exciting or surprising. Maybe it will come together in the end. But so far this scattershot approach is not hitting any targets. The more focused Asylum was better. (Though I leave it open for Coven to improve.)

Music: My Favorite Things Holiday Albums

TV is a little light this week, and God only knows when I'll get around to watching another movie (except maybe The Bishop's Wife), so I thought I'd look at seasonal music. Growing up, Christmas albums had a heavy influence on me; we'd put them on the turntable and listen as we hung lights and ornaments and wrapped things in tinsel. There were two records that were a must each year: Bing Crosby's White Christmas and Andy Williams' Merry Christmas. To this day it is not officially the holiday season until I've put those records on. (Well, and really the holidays officially start in our house when Santa ends the Macy's Parade, but that's another story.)

My mother had an Elvis Christmas album but I didn't have much feeling for that one. And then we had a Christy Lane album (also titled White Christmas; my mother is a minister). I do remember liking Lane's version of "Away In a Manger." It was kind of twangy.

Later I would incorporate Jimmy Buffett's Christmas Island into my regular holiday rotation. I enjoy his version of "Run, Rudolph, Run."

I guess I'm mostly a sucker for the classics, though. I don't mind some of the newer stuff, though I much prefer the upbeat to the balladic. "Jingle Bell Rock" is a good one, and "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree." I guess those aren't that new, but you get the idea.

And I hate "Little Drummer Boy" and all those slow, mournful types. It's already dark and cold, and though I can appreciate "Silent Night"—I've walked alone on a cold, clear night and felt that song deep in me—I can't really enjoy it.

Having grown up in a theocentric household, I do like "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" and "Joy to the World" and all those. But my all-time favorite Christmas song? "Sleigh Ride." Preferably as sung by Mr. Williams, but just about any version will do.

Television: Almost Human, "The Bends"

Anyone with even a modicum of sense had this figured out in the first few minutes. So to endure an hour of the main characters trying to solve it only made me worry that cops are really stupid in the future.

Seriously.

And then the show committed the sin of doing the "24 Hours Earlier" bit. God, that's overused. Worse, though, here we didn't really care how Rudy got there or why. So to take us back 24 hours as if to build suspense only made us roll our eyes and sigh. Oh, we've got to live through all this now too?

Also, bad CGI on living sushi.

And next time, don't cast an obvious bad guy as the bad guy if you're hoping it will surprise anyone he's a bad guy. Casting fail.

Why is Minka Kelly even here? I feel like she has better things to do than this show. Like, you know, grocery shopping or something.

What's really kind of sad and frustrating is that the episode was beautifully directed, and Rudy had that one great moment when he described his work, but on the whole it was just such a stupid, obvious plot that it sucked any enjoyment out of watching because we were slogging toward a known and predetermined ending. So for as lovely as it all looked, it was almost agonizing to watch (though I saved my sanity by turning at least most of my attention to playing Bejeweled on my iPhone).

Step it up, gentlemen. You're gonna have to do better stories than this.

Books: The K-Pro On Sale for Cyber Monday

Get your copy (either Kindle or paperback) here! (This is the US link, but The K-Pro is available and for sale in all regions.) The sale continues through the week, but the price goes up a little each day, so the sooner you buy the better!

And look for a sequel, hopefully by the end of next year. A taste of it can be found here.